Could this week last any longer?
Last weekend rocked. Well, the parts I wasn't at work. POOP on that.
Friday, me, Luc and Sis took mom to lunch for a super belated birthday.
If you will recall, it was a super(already said that) shitty day and we still traveled from north to east to south to east to north again. That was a blast though! Love time with friends and fam.
I then worked until 9 and HE helped. Lord knows I can't do it myownself.
Saturday I flew out of bed knowing I was going to get to spend the entire day with sis.
I somehow ended up running an hour late and arrived at the secret spot at 8:30.
We ate a steaming hot breakfast buffet, gossiped, then put our noses to the grind stone.
We went mudding a time or two. Then, we were outa there. Ok, so we were cleaning house. SO! That's how we roll in LHTX!
We both headed out to get spiffy for my oldest nieces choir concert. (She is so pretty,
not partial at all) It started at 7. The whole family was there! It was beautiful. My niece was beautiful! I loved it. American Idol, here she comes!
Sunday, I had to be at work for 4 hours and you and I both know I can't do that alone.
HE and my stepson came and watched. Wasn't that nice.
Monday came early and I feel like I have been here ever since. Or have I?
Today is our company Christmas party. Goodtimes, except that my boss is making me work so I have rebelled. I am leaving and going to get my hair did and go shopping.
Then peace out after Friday.
I will see you guys after the 1st!!!
Happy Merry everything!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Three Words
HONEY LEMON DROPS!
I stayed at my sisters house Friday through Sunday, watching her 3 fabulous children, and one of them gave me the BUG. Kids are parasites I tell you. I couldn't love her kids any more if I tried, but seriously, kids are walking germs.
I have a huge post I need to get busy with about my weekend or I could just put it on a postcard for Lucy ;)
Oldest got her class ring.
Took the kids to eat Pizza.
Took the girls to sing at the Fire Station.
Took the boy to exchange his video games.
Took the kids shopping all over town. (very well behaved, though one of them does not have an indoor voice)
The little one helped me with OT for ever it seemed like. She is a good helper.
I took the oldest to the movies with 3 of her friends and mysteriously she ended up with a boyfriend out of the deal.(she and I shall discuss that later)
Their dog had puppies. No lie.
The movie Confetti came on and my neice saw a penis, then a bush, then another penis, then another before I could get the remote. I have no idea how to explain that to my sister.
All in all it was fun, fun, fun.
I felt like I had no time for anything but cooking and cleaning though. WOW, how does my sister do it? I applaud her.
Now I am back at work and sick as hell.
God Bless America, I need a vacation !
I stayed at my sisters house Friday through Sunday, watching her 3 fabulous children, and one of them gave me the BUG. Kids are parasites I tell you. I couldn't love her kids any more if I tried, but seriously, kids are walking germs.
I have a huge post I need to get busy with about my weekend or I could just put it on a postcard for Lucy ;)
Oldest got her class ring.
Took the kids to eat Pizza.
Took the girls to sing at the Fire Station.
Took the boy to exchange his video games.
Took the kids shopping all over town. (very well behaved, though one of them does not have an indoor voice)
The little one helped me with OT for ever it seemed like. She is a good helper.
I took the oldest to the movies with 3 of her friends and mysteriously she ended up with a boyfriend out of the deal.(she and I shall discuss that later)
Their dog had puppies. No lie.
The movie Confetti came on and my neice saw a penis, then a bush, then another penis, then another before I could get the remote. I have no idea how to explain that to my sister.
All in all it was fun, fun, fun.
I felt like I had no time for anything but cooking and cleaning though. WOW, how does my sister do it? I applaud her.
I dig time with the kids.
Now I am back at work and sick as hell.
God Bless America, I need a vacation !
Monday, November 26, 2007
catching up
I know it has been a while since my last post. I was just not feeling it, or anything else for that matter. Here’s to getting back on stage!
As of November 14th, I am back on my crazy pills, only after my douche bag (pardon my French) doctor put me and everyone else through 5 weeks of drying out HELL. And might I add, he put me back on the EXACT SAME ONE he took me off of. So, to all of you who had to endure the excruciating pain; I commend you and owe you a very large bottle of anything you choose for standing by me with patience and perseverance.
So we shall see the normal, not so normal, regularly irregular Nicole come around the corner any day now.
Now starting off from where I dropped the ball.
October 28th was Taz’s 7th birthday. I remembered the day before and the day after. Wow, my mom even brought him a gift. I have never forgotten. I made it up to him though.
November 5th Vjollca came back to work. Finally someone to talk to besides Mark. Thank you JC! Giggle!!! Anyone that knows Mark knows when it is safe to speak to him and when it isn’t. Monday through Wednesday are off limits completely. ‘nuff said.
November 14th Prozac!!!! Taken every other day for one week then full throttle for 3 weeks. Then back to Dr. Douche’. hehe
November 15th and 16th I took off work. Thursday I cleaned house, but Friday it was me and my sis all day. From 9am to 9pm we hung out. It was a BLAST. We always joke that when we get together we might make up one brain. It is so true. We are just plain goofy and laugh way too much. Not.
We ate breakfast and enjoyed a good cup o’ Joe. Then off to the bead store where overload ensued. Sis needed a valium. giggle. After 2 hours and $100, we headed to paint. Woohoo! We carefully picked out our projects and began our masterpieces. 3 ½ hours later and no lunch, we headed to my house for hardware, then back to her house to begin our bead creations. But not without grabbing my nieces and nephew and a pizza on the way.
November 17th I was back at my sis's to help her make cakes for my neice's cheerleading party. We had to make 9 cakes and decorate them. Now that was fun. Hanging out and drinking coffee while baking. * No taste testing please, boys.
Then it was 3:30 and my oldest neice got home from shopping with her other Aunt(She only has a few) and was ready to get ready. She had a date to the Blue October concert and one hour to prepare. She was about to wet her pants. Honestly, so was I. She and her Aunt ran to the back of the house and began applying makeup, chi irons, hair stuff and clothes. They came back and we told me with no uncertainty, "MORE". They took off and came back. She was gorgeous as always and ready to set the night on fire.
We loaded up in their very manly FORD LARIAT, 4x4, F150, STEPSIDE, 4DOOR, BLAH BLAH, and took off. giggle. I can't even get in it. (sis said she would get me a step ladder) Only after I had spoken to this boy that thought he was privileged enough to take out my neice did I tell sis where we were going. Once I had him convinced he would die if he so much as breathed the same air as her did we drop her off, get his cell phone and license plate, kiss her, and head back home.
I have to admit, I did not sleep a wink that night.
November 18th was my real Thanksgiving. 34 of us, friends and family, gathered around for a feast of sharing. We told stories and caught up on happenings. It was nice to see everyone. I really miss some of our friends that we only see for ‘get-together’s ’.
November 22nd and 23rd He and I spent the day with mom. We went to Luby’s for a quick lunch then back to her house for the game(s). Mom and I did a puzzle and yes, finished it.
We made turkey sandwiches and played literal mind games from a book she has. I played with my two-faced, miniature schnauzer she kept during the separation.
November 24th we let mom be and stayed home. We rented movies and relaxed. Found that we had babies. Fish, that is. So we made a trip to Petsmart, and home again. Everyone is healthy and happy. All fins accounted for, for day.
November 25th we ran to Lucy’s and I watched cable, giggle, while He attempted surgery on her washer. We went grocery shopping and I cooked the rest of the evening. Dessert and all. Must be the cool weather. Not. I say the drugs. Praise JC.
Now this week Mark is on vaca and I am in a heap of shit. I am busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. No offense to the handicapped. In fact, call me; I will kick someone’s ass for you. Merry Christmas. Happy Hannakah. Feliz Navidad. Mazel Taf.
I am off Thursday and Friday. I will be taking my mom out for her birthday. WOOHOO!
I love that lady and am damn glad to still have her in my life! XOXO MOM!
Cheers to my sis for taking time to spend with me the week before. It meant a lot sis!
And Luce! Sunday was a BLAST. Giggle!
As of November 14th, I am back on my crazy pills, only after my douche bag (pardon my French) doctor put me and everyone else through 5 weeks of drying out HELL. And might I add, he put me back on the EXACT SAME ONE he took me off of. So, to all of you who had to endure the excruciating pain; I commend you and owe you a very large bottle of anything you choose for standing by me with patience and perseverance.
So we shall see the normal, not so normal, regularly irregular Nicole come around the corner any day now.
Now starting off from where I dropped the ball.
October 28th was Taz’s 7th birthday. I remembered the day before and the day after. Wow, my mom even brought him a gift. I have never forgotten. I made it up to him though.
November 5th Vjollca came back to work. Finally someone to talk to besides Mark. Thank you JC! Giggle!!! Anyone that knows Mark knows when it is safe to speak to him and when it isn’t. Monday through Wednesday are off limits completely. ‘nuff said.
November 14th Prozac!!!! Taken every other day for one week then full throttle for 3 weeks. Then back to Dr. Douche’. hehe
November 15th and 16th I took off work. Thursday I cleaned house, but Friday it was me and my sis all day. From 9am to 9pm we hung out. It was a BLAST. We always joke that when we get together we might make up one brain. It is so true. We are just plain goofy and laugh way too much. Not.
We ate breakfast and enjoyed a good cup o’ Joe. Then off to the bead store where overload ensued. Sis needed a valium. giggle. After 2 hours and $100, we headed to paint. Woohoo! We carefully picked out our projects and began our masterpieces. 3 ½ hours later and no lunch, we headed to my house for hardware, then back to her house to begin our bead creations. But not without grabbing my nieces and nephew and a pizza on the way.
November 17th I was back at my sis's to help her make cakes for my neice's cheerleading party. We had to make 9 cakes and decorate them. Now that was fun. Hanging out and drinking coffee while baking. * No taste testing please, boys.
Then it was 3:30 and my oldest neice got home from shopping with her other Aunt(She only has a few) and was ready to get ready. She had a date to the Blue October concert and one hour to prepare. She was about to wet her pants. Honestly, so was I. She and her Aunt ran to the back of the house and began applying makeup, chi irons, hair stuff and clothes. They came back and we told me with no uncertainty, "MORE". They took off and came back. She was gorgeous as always and ready to set the night on fire.
We loaded up in their very manly FORD LARIAT, 4x4, F150, STEPSIDE, 4DOOR, BLAH BLAH, and took off. giggle. I can't even get in it. (sis said she would get me a step ladder) Only after I had spoken to this boy that thought he was privileged enough to take out my neice did I tell sis where we were going. Once I had him convinced he would die if he so much as breathed the same air as her did we drop her off, get his cell phone and license plate, kiss her, and head back home.
I have to admit, I did not sleep a wink that night.
November 18th was my real Thanksgiving. 34 of us, friends and family, gathered around for a feast of sharing. We told stories and caught up on happenings. It was nice to see everyone. I really miss some of our friends that we only see for ‘get-together’s ’.
November 22nd and 23rd He and I spent the day with mom. We went to Luby’s for a quick lunch then back to her house for the game(s). Mom and I did a puzzle and yes, finished it.
We made turkey sandwiches and played literal mind games from a book she has. I played with my two-faced, miniature schnauzer she kept during the separation.
November 24th we let mom be and stayed home. We rented movies and relaxed. Found that we had babies. Fish, that is. So we made a trip to Petsmart, and home again. Everyone is healthy and happy. All fins accounted for, for day.
November 25th we ran to Lucy’s and I watched cable, giggle, while He attempted surgery on her washer. We went grocery shopping and I cooked the rest of the evening. Dessert and all. Must be the cool weather. Not. I say the drugs. Praise JC.
Now this week Mark is on vaca and I am in a heap of shit. I am busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. No offense to the handicapped. In fact, call me; I will kick someone’s ass for you. Merry Christmas. Happy Hannakah. Feliz Navidad. Mazel Taf.
I am off Thursday and Friday. I will be taking my mom out for her birthday. WOOHOO!
I love that lady and am damn glad to still have her in my life! XOXO MOM!
Cheers to my sis for taking time to spend with me the week before. It meant a lot sis!
And Luce! Sunday was a BLAST. Giggle!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Running for the Hills
This last week has been very trying for me. I literally want to rip off Andrew’s head.
He can not do anything right. He is breathing the same air as me. He is in my way all the time. He is constantly trying to finish something I have already started. He is smothering me.
Not only that, I am finally fed up him not being accountable for anything. Not being the man of the household and ensuring a safe and secure place for us to be. Instead, he tells me everything will be ok and wipes off my tears and goes on. Only to find out later, he pushed everything under the rug and shoved me off.
I am the one that has to follow-up on everything. Make sure all is well and taken care of. In the past, I suppose I enjoyed that role. It had its high points. I was ultimately the one in charge. I knew what was going on, when and where, never oblivious the anything. I told him to fetch and then I was there to make sure he retrieved. I would say it had its high points. Giggle.
However, I have changed and evolved and so have my wants and needs. For some time now, I have wanted him to take on a more controlling role in the marriage. Equal parts I shiver to say. Giggle. He pays the bills, and is in control of the vehicles, and does stuff around the house, but that is not my issue.
I fear he is completely incompetent in carrying out a fair and equal marriage that does not include jealously and judgment; second guessing, sneaking, snooping and lying.
This weekend tested my patience with him and I am at my wits end.
Do I kill him and bury him or run for the hills on the 50 cents and smidgen of dignity I still have?
He can not do anything right. He is breathing the same air as me. He is in my way all the time. He is constantly trying to finish something I have already started. He is smothering me.
Not only that, I am finally fed up him not being accountable for anything. Not being the man of the household and ensuring a safe and secure place for us to be. Instead, he tells me everything will be ok and wipes off my tears and goes on. Only to find out later, he pushed everything under the rug and shoved me off.
I am the one that has to follow-up on everything. Make sure all is well and taken care of. In the past, I suppose I enjoyed that role. It had its high points. I was ultimately the one in charge. I knew what was going on, when and where, never oblivious the anything. I told him to fetch and then I was there to make sure he retrieved. I would say it had its high points. Giggle.
However, I have changed and evolved and so have my wants and needs. For some time now, I have wanted him to take on a more controlling role in the marriage. Equal parts I shiver to say. Giggle. He pays the bills, and is in control of the vehicles, and does stuff around the house, but that is not my issue.
I fear he is completely incompetent in carrying out a fair and equal marriage that does not include jealously and judgment; second guessing, sneaking, snooping and lying.
This weekend tested my patience with him and I am at my wits end.
Do I kill him and bury him or run for the hills on the 50 cents and smidgen of dignity I still have?
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Emotions running a muck
The last two weeks have been extremely hard for me. If you are close to me, they have been hard for you as well. For that, I am sorry. You are true friends and you know who you are.
I have always considered myself a fairly happy person. Confident, self assured and comfortable in my own skin. Any time my glass has been less than half full, I have been able to look to my inner strength, faith and family to help refill it. To date, they have never let me down. Even during the worst times, when I have had little hope, I could cry or worry myself to sleep. I always awoke to a new idea or choice. I always knew that somehow/someway I was ultimately in control of my destiny. I made the choices.
Temporarily, I feel as though that is not the case. As if I am not in control of my own emotions/actions.
Three weeks ago, I was stripped of a crutch and forced to balance on one leg that I have not used in over 3 years and knew it would be quite frightening. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t even know if there would be anything TO expect. A noticeable change? A screaming banshee? I took notes nonetheless.
The changes were slow during the weaning off period, but the second week I found myself cold and isolated. Hard and crass. Saying things that I thought helped my friends but were hurtful. I remember thinking, “he needs to hear this, no one else will tell him”. I thought through everything that came out of my mouth. THAT is the scariest part. Looking back, where was the edit, because at the time, I thought I was using that button? I snapped at every whim but it was clear in my head that they deserved it. Who did I think I was? That wasn’t me? WAS IT? OMG!
Last week was a different set of emotions. I felt needy and wanted to feel needed. I wanted to be wanted. Not verbally. This emotion consumed me. I had an overwhelming need for someone to hold me, cradle and cuddle me. I needed to feel safe and secure. I needed intimacy and love without any sexual undertones but I could not convey this emotion. I expected everyone to just know. For that day my mind was so mad that everyone was so selfish in not offering their hearts and opening up to me when they could so clearly see a difference. After all, I would have. I spent that day crying and hurt, wondering why no one read my mind and knew I needed them.
This week has just started but I have high hopes that I am nearing the end of this roller coaster. Still not sure if I am even the one talking here. Still not sure who the real me is. Who has this person been for 3 years, and do I remember me prior? Who am I really? Do I like me? Have I betrayed all who love me?
Now that I am no longer sedated, all of those suppressed emotions are running loose and sticking to anything they can find. I guess they have a bit to catch up on. It feels sorta like a gremlin that got wet.
To my friends that knew along the way, thanks for listening and being there. I love you!
I have always considered myself a fairly happy person. Confident, self assured and comfortable in my own skin. Any time my glass has been less than half full, I have been able to look to my inner strength, faith and family to help refill it. To date, they have never let me down. Even during the worst times, when I have had little hope, I could cry or worry myself to sleep. I always awoke to a new idea or choice. I always knew that somehow/someway I was ultimately in control of my destiny. I made the choices.
Temporarily, I feel as though that is not the case. As if I am not in control of my own emotions/actions.
Three weeks ago, I was stripped of a crutch and forced to balance on one leg that I have not used in over 3 years and knew it would be quite frightening. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t even know if there would be anything TO expect. A noticeable change? A screaming banshee? I took notes nonetheless.
The changes were slow during the weaning off period, but the second week I found myself cold and isolated. Hard and crass. Saying things that I thought helped my friends but were hurtful. I remember thinking, “he needs to hear this, no one else will tell him”. I thought through everything that came out of my mouth. THAT is the scariest part. Looking back, where was the edit, because at the time, I thought I was using that button? I snapped at every whim but it was clear in my head that they deserved it. Who did I think I was? That wasn’t me? WAS IT? OMG!
Last week was a different set of emotions. I felt needy and wanted to feel needed. I wanted to be wanted. Not verbally. This emotion consumed me. I had an overwhelming need for someone to hold me, cradle and cuddle me. I needed to feel safe and secure. I needed intimacy and love without any sexual undertones but I could not convey this emotion. I expected everyone to just know. For that day my mind was so mad that everyone was so selfish in not offering their hearts and opening up to me when they could so clearly see a difference. After all, I would have. I spent that day crying and hurt, wondering why no one read my mind and knew I needed them.
This week has just started but I have high hopes that I am nearing the end of this roller coaster. Still not sure if I am even the one talking here. Still not sure who the real me is. Who has this person been for 3 years, and do I remember me prior? Who am I really? Do I like me? Have I betrayed all who love me?
Now that I am no longer sedated, all of those suppressed emotions are running loose and sticking to anything they can find. I guess they have a bit to catch up on. It feels sorta like a gremlin that got wet.
To my friends that knew along the way, thanks for listening and being there. I love you!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Two Things
TWO THINGS
Two names you go by:
1. Mavis the Uber Typist
2. Nic the Nosiest
Two things you are wearing right now:
1. False eyelashes
2. Dirty thoughts
Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Snuggling under a blanket by a fire
2. Chatting with friends
Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. To own a home. Again.
2. To be independently wealthy
Name of two pets:
1. Taz
2. Jilly Mac - aroni
Name 2 people who will fill this out:
1. none
2. Less than none
Two things you did last night:
1. Watched Transformers 2X
2. Leveled with the universe about how unjust it is
Two things you ate today:
1. Rudy’s potato/egg taco
2. My words
Two people you last talked to:
1. Lucy
2. Mi Madre’
Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Wake up
2. Wonder how I can make it feel different from today
Two longest car rides:
1. Phoenix to Odessa
2. Here to my destiny
Favorite holidays:
1. Thanksgiving
2. Independence Day
Two favorite beverages:
1. Coffee with a side of coffee
2. Sweet tea, with sugar on top
Two names you go by:
1. Mavis the Uber Typist
2. Nic the Nosiest
Two things you are wearing right now:
1. False eyelashes
2. Dirty thoughts
Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Snuggling under a blanket by a fire
2. Chatting with friends
Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. To own a home. Again.
2. To be independently wealthy
Name of two pets:
1. Taz
2. Jilly Mac - aroni
Name 2 people who will fill this out:
1. none
2. Less than none
Two things you did last night:
1. Watched Transformers 2X
2. Leveled with the universe about how unjust it is
Two things you ate today:
1. Rudy’s potato/egg taco
2. My words
Two people you last talked to:
1. Lucy
2. Mi Madre’
Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Wake up
2. Wonder how I can make it feel different from today
Two longest car rides:
1. Phoenix to Odessa
2. Here to my destiny
Favorite holidays:
1. Thanksgiving
2. Independence Day
Two favorite beverages:
1. Coffee with a side of coffee
2. Sweet tea, with sugar on top
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Got Camping?
What is the best thing to do with these factors included?
This weekend
Sunny, Clear, 80-85*
10-15 Friends and Family
Incredible, down to earth, country folk (parents need not apply)
2 of the chic's are celebrating their Birthdays
Liquor consumed in large quantities
Loud
Outskirts of Austin
Answer: Y Camping, of course!
Friday noon will begin the Sis-Sis event of the year. We will getaway to a private section of a lake; far away from anywhere that might offend anyone within eye or ear shot. Hoping to catch a glimpse of the earth’s bounty, the sky’s beauty, the water's serenity, and the heart’s beat; we must move fast at a slow pace.
This hopes to go down in history as the loudest, most outrageous, fun filled, shindig of the year. Boasting a tent assembly contest, BBQ contest, shot contest, swimsuit contest, fish catching contest *see a trend*, spin the bottle, Poker, Let it Ride, s’mores, rock climbing (by that I mean finding a place to pee), skinny dipping, and the norm.
Sunday dust the girls will do all the work while the men fake doing something or other. We will wrap things up with a simple prayer hoping that we do not kill anyone who tries to ruin the aura we have created. Regardless of the hot, tired and hung over part.
Now where did I pack my sunscreen, OFF, toilet seat covers, GermX and wet naps, mosquito net, waders, fly swatter, Swiss army knife, first aid kit, snake bite, flashlight, and GPS.
*items not in order* CRAP, am I missing anything?
This weekend
Sunny, Clear, 80-85*
10-15 Friends and Family
Incredible, down to earth, country folk (parents need not apply)
2 of the chic's are celebrating their Birthdays
Liquor consumed in large quantities
Loud
Outskirts of Austin
Answer: Y Camping, of course!
Friday noon will begin the Sis-Sis event of the year. We will getaway to a private section of a lake; far away from anywhere that might offend anyone within eye or ear shot. Hoping to catch a glimpse of the earth’s bounty, the sky’s beauty, the water's serenity, and the heart’s beat; we must move fast at a slow pace.
This hopes to go down in history as the loudest, most outrageous, fun filled, shindig of the year. Boasting a tent assembly contest, BBQ contest, shot contest, swimsuit contest, fish catching contest *see a trend*, spin the bottle, Poker, Let it Ride, s’mores, rock climbing (by that I mean finding a place to pee), skinny dipping, and the norm.
Sunday dust the girls will do all the work while the men fake doing something or other. We will wrap things up with a simple prayer hoping that we do not kill anyone who tries to ruin the aura we have created. Regardless of the hot, tired and hung over part.
Now where did I pack my sunscreen, OFF, toilet seat covers, GermX and wet naps, mosquito net, waders, fly swatter, Swiss army knife, first aid kit, snake bite, flashlight, and GPS.
*items not in order* CRAP, am I missing anything?
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The extravaganza is over
The last two weekends have been a blast. Jam packed with excitement. Starting with a trip to Salado and shopping. Next was a pedicure before Martini’s and dinner, to happy hour and a massage. Then the Bead Expo, a tour on the East Side and Hype Park B&G. It ended with a Family lunch at Carinos on Sunday. Last weekend was full of drinks, friends, painting, food, and fun as well. Now this weekend we have our son and next weekend is 3 days of hardcore camping!!!!
I don’t think we can ever have enough birthdays. They remind us how loved we really are. Birthday or not, spending time with my loved ones means more to me than anything. I think everyday we should celebrate something!
Thanks to all of you know spent time with me, called, texted or took me on a date =) It meant so much to me. I treasure every one of you. I love you each very much it your own unique way.
Sis, You are my strength, hope, and support system. I look up to you in so many ways and can’t explain the love and unspoken sense of security that we share. You are my rock.
Lucy, The friendship we share is rare and one that I could have never imagined 14 years ago. Thanks for being there for me through thick and thin, hot and cold, sweet and sour, black and blue, and loving me through it all. I would die without you.
Gretchen, We are kindred spirits. You are my friend and sister. I think I have known you forever in my heart and keep you safe in my arms. I think of you always and wish you were here. I will never let you go.
Cole, Thanks for your energy, love and passion. You remind me everyday how much passion is out there how to grasp it. And that I only live once. We can answer each others sentences and somehow experience the same things. We understand one another. We get each other.
Jess, Thanks for being open, honest and real with me, and being my friend till the end.
We know so many secrets and are so close. You have so much insight and experience, I love listening and learning from you. And you love to listen and tell me the truth.
Alli, Thanks for being so kind, grounded, and knowing. You are a true friend. You are such a positive influence in my life and never let anything get in your way.
Boss, Thanks for everything. In the short amount of time I have known you, I can hardly recall I time I didn’t. What did I ever do?
I believe these are the few people I have shared my blog with. I love you all.
I don’t think we can ever have enough birthdays. They remind us how loved we really are. Birthday or not, spending time with my loved ones means more to me than anything. I think everyday we should celebrate something!
Thanks to all of you know spent time with me, called, texted or took me on a date =) It meant so much to me. I treasure every one of you. I love you each very much it your own unique way.
Sis, You are my strength, hope, and support system. I look up to you in so many ways and can’t explain the love and unspoken sense of security that we share. You are my rock.
Lucy, The friendship we share is rare and one that I could have never imagined 14 years ago. Thanks for being there for me through thick and thin, hot and cold, sweet and sour, black and blue, and loving me through it all. I would die without you.
Gretchen, We are kindred spirits. You are my friend and sister. I think I have known you forever in my heart and keep you safe in my arms. I think of you always and wish you were here. I will never let you go.
Cole, Thanks for your energy, love and passion. You remind me everyday how much passion is out there how to grasp it. And that I only live once. We can answer each others sentences and somehow experience the same things. We understand one another. We get each other.
Jess, Thanks for being open, honest and real with me, and being my friend till the end.
We know so many secrets and are so close. You have so much insight and experience, I love listening and learning from you. And you love to listen and tell me the truth.
Alli, Thanks for being so kind, grounded, and knowing. You are a true friend. You are such a positive influence in my life and never let anything get in your way.
Boss, Thanks for everything. In the short amount of time I have known you, I can hardly recall I time I didn’t. What did I ever do?
I believe these are the few people I have shared my blog with. I love you all.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
A year gone by
When I reflect on the past year and what 33 meant to me, I am taken aback.
It is hard to believe so much went on in such a short amount of time. On a postcard, it included a girlfriend moving away, losing my house, losing my husband, filing bankruptcy, losing my baby, moving my mom away from me, and the loss of a loved one.
This was a very emotional and trying year to say the least. Full of blind sided curves, dead ends and off ramps. The unexpected. The unwelcome. The unwanted. Hate and Hurt.
It also brought me closer to my girlfriend than I ever dreamed, opened a window for me and my husband, got our finances in check, moved my mom to a place better suited for her, and brought my sister and I to a level neither of us ever imagined.
I cannot find words for the growth and inner strength I have experienced this last year. That is a cliché, but what I will say here will not come close to what is in my heart. With every horrifying moment, came a humbling form of growth, peace, strength, and beauty. And with every outcome came another lesson learned.
I have never tried to fit in another’s shoes. A few times last year I would have liked to borrow someone’s for a bit, but never did. I am glad I have graduated to my own new pair. They fit well.
It is hard to believe so much went on in such a short amount of time. On a postcard, it included a girlfriend moving away, losing my house, losing my husband, filing bankruptcy, losing my baby, moving my mom away from me, and the loss of a loved one.
This was a very emotional and trying year to say the least. Full of blind sided curves, dead ends and off ramps. The unexpected. The unwelcome. The unwanted. Hate and Hurt.
It also brought me closer to my girlfriend than I ever dreamed, opened a window for me and my husband, got our finances in check, moved my mom to a place better suited for her, and brought my sister and I to a level neither of us ever imagined.
I cannot find words for the growth and inner strength I have experienced this last year. That is a cliché, but what I will say here will not come close to what is in my heart. With every horrifying moment, came a humbling form of growth, peace, strength, and beauty. And with every outcome came another lesson learned.
I have never tried to fit in another’s shoes. A few times last year I would have liked to borrow someone’s for a bit, but never did. I am glad I have graduated to my own new pair. They fit well.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
hmmph
Dear _______, Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, September 26:
You're the master of compromise -- though today, you may have to negotiate with different aspects of yourself. That's not as hard as it sounds, though it may take a while to figure it all out.
How apropos, considering I have changed my birthday plans a billion times, and all is not final.
You're the master of compromise -- though today, you may have to negotiate with different aspects of yourself. That's not as hard as it sounds, though it may take a while to figure it all out.
How apropos, considering I have changed my birthday plans a billion times, and all is not final.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
In that moment...
How long has it been since you were spooning and cuddling with that special person in your life?
In that moment nothing matters.
Hugs replace anxiety and stress.
Kisses bring emotion and excitement.
Grins and sparkles cover imperfections.
Touches and tickles make everything better.
In that moment nothing matters.
More words are spoken in silence than the words exchanged.
Hearing your heartbeat reminds me of the symphony.
Every embrace feels like the first.
Time stops and my mind is clear.
In that moment nothing matters.
I think of nothing but you.
The security in your hands.
The care in your eyes.
The love in your heart.
Today was that day for me!
It was wonderful.
Andrew I love you.
Thank you for spending your time with me.
Thank you for everything.
In that moment nothing matters.
Hugs replace anxiety and stress.
Kisses bring emotion and excitement.
Grins and sparkles cover imperfections.
Touches and tickles make everything better.
In that moment nothing matters.
More words are spoken in silence than the words exchanged.
Hearing your heartbeat reminds me of the symphony.
Every embrace feels like the first.
Time stops and my mind is clear.
In that moment nothing matters.
I think of nothing but you.
The security in your hands.
The care in your eyes.
The love in your heart.
Today was that day for me!
It was wonderful.
Andrew I love you.
Thank you for spending your time with me.
Thank you for everything.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Runs with Scissors!
My coworker is on vacation for 12 days. I really hate carrying the load of this place by myself. I don’t get paid enough. It is too quiet. I am missing my soap operas. When will she be back? I have gone to Nutter Butter Bites for support. They helped for a little while. I have buried myself in music. That helps after the morning shows are over. I have a lucky bamboo on my desk that I hoped would help me achieve a sense of peace and well-being flowing through my “chi”. Ya, I’m gonna have to move that bitch to another location. It must not like the one it is in; I‘m getting nothing here.
I have even caught myself talking to myself. You heard me. And there is no lack of people to choose from in this joint. I shall talk to my Aquafina. I seem to be drinking it more. IM is always nice but my jaws get bored doing nothing and my ears start ringing. That’s another thing. When it is this quiet, I can hear everyone around me enjoying their friends. And, I realize how damn cold it is in here.
I must find my center and focus. I have a boat load of claims to process and 4 hours to do them. Perhaps my desk is not Feng Shui. None of my soothing colors are around me. I know my feet are not facing the exit wall. And another thing, I am left-handed and my desk is made for right-handers. I am in Hell.
I have even caught myself talking to myself. You heard me. And there is no lack of people to choose from in this joint. I shall talk to my Aquafina. I seem to be drinking it more. IM is always nice but my jaws get bored doing nothing and my ears start ringing. That’s another thing. When it is this quiet, I can hear everyone around me enjoying their friends. And, I realize how damn cold it is in here.
I must find my center and focus. I have a boat load of claims to process and 4 hours to do them. Perhaps my desk is not Feng Shui. None of my soothing colors are around me. I know my feet are not facing the exit wall. And another thing, I am left-handed and my desk is made for right-handers. I am in Hell.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Less Sickly
Five days later and I am much better.
Mucinex and I are in a LTR now. No pseudonym needed.
MucinexD if you're nasty!
I still have a frog in my voice. That's fun.
My head feels like a boxing bag. More fun.
My throat feels like a brillo pad. Even better.
And I have a cough like a veteran smoker with Emphysema. The best.
Would love to see you all, but alas, I am not a pretty sight.
Mucinex and I are in a LTR now. No pseudonym needed.
MucinexD if you're nasty!
I still have a frog in my voice. That's fun.
My head feels like a boxing bag. More fun.
My throat feels like a brillo pad. Even better.
And I have a cough like a veteran smoker with Emphysema. The best.
Would love to see you all, but alas, I am not a pretty sight.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Thursday, September 6, 2007
First Vball Game
Today came quick. By that I mean, It is already Thursday. Love me some holidays.
I was already on a high from the night before and had been to everyone’s desk going on and on about the Pep Rally. I had coffee down the tube and was ready to get busy.
Before I knew it, it was 3pm and the phone rang. Surprise, sis was going in ten different directions and catching me up. Thank goodness because things change with her by the second. The last time I had spoken to her, she was searching for her sanity in a chicken fried steak. I am guessing she never found it.
She was headed out of town for a volleyball game. I couldn’t make it. Work really sux when you aren’t the boss.
I headed home to hubby and Skunk. Watched BB8. Quickly developed a headache. He did laundry, and I blogged.
Sis called, niece#2 won 2 out of 3 games. ROCK ON!, CAUSE THAT'S HOW THEY ROLL IN J-TX!
She didn't hang up without jabbing at me. Revenge will be so sweet!
I was already on a high from the night before and had been to everyone’s desk going on and on about the Pep Rally. I had coffee down the tube and was ready to get busy.
Before I knew it, it was 3pm and the phone rang. Surprise, sis was going in ten different directions and catching me up. Thank goodness because things change with her by the second. The last time I had spoken to her, she was searching for her sanity in a chicken fried steak. I am guessing she never found it.
She was headed out of town for a volleyball game. I couldn’t make it. Work really sux when you aren’t the boss.
I headed home to hubby and Skunk. Watched BB8. Quickly developed a headache. He did laundry, and I blogged.
Sis called, niece#2 won 2 out of 3 games. ROCK ON!, CAUSE THAT'S HOW THEY ROLL IN J-TX!
She didn't hang up without jabbing at me. Revenge will be so sweet!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Rally Time!
Another call from my sis today! SHUT UP! LOVE IT!
It is Homecoming Friday at the kids’ school! GET OUT!
Today is the Pep Rally! AGAIN! SHUT UP!
She was letting me know it was at 7, no 6, no 6:30, no WHAT!?!?!?
I quickly called him and made plans to trek north for the parade. I left work at 5 to be there on time. Picked hubby up. OH! Hubby wants to drive. We are gonna be SO late.
This was going to be my first time seeing my niece#2 cheer, my nephew in his football uniform, and my niece#1 sing. I was jazzed.
We pull in, park, and wait for the parade – you heard me. I almost had tears when I saw my niece#2 on the fire truck. She was so grown-up in her uniform throwing candy. Next was my nephew, same thing.
We moved on to the pep rally and took our seats. Out came the cheerleaders. My niece carried herself so beautifully. I was so proud. A permanent smile, strong cheers, right in line with the other girls. WOW! They also did a pyramid, WHAT, 7th grade, and she landed perfect! THAT’S RIGHT! SHE IS MY BLOOD. I COULD DO THAT! SO COULD HER MOM! THAT’S HOW WE ROLL!
Next was the National Anthem! Niece#1 sang beautifully. She was the only one of like 15 that stood properly. Her left hand behind her back. I don’t know who is raising these kids today. They were picking their noses, poking one another, leaning on each other, shifting, looking over their shoulders for their friends. WHAT! Ok, they are the choir, it is a 3 minutes song and their 3 minutes of fame!
While niece#2 was on the sidelines she was perfect as well. She stood with her hands at her hips holding her pompoms the entire time. I said POMPOMS! HA!
My nephew was with the football team. He is an angel. I never worry about him. He is always good! Love him.
Kudos to Sis for raising such perfect kids!
Love u all!
It is Homecoming Friday at the kids’ school! GET OUT!
Today is the Pep Rally! AGAIN! SHUT UP!
She was letting me know it was at 7, no 6, no 6:30, no WHAT!?!?!?
I quickly called him and made plans to trek north for the parade. I left work at 5 to be there on time. Picked hubby up. OH! Hubby wants to drive. We are gonna be SO late.
This was going to be my first time seeing my niece#2 cheer, my nephew in his football uniform, and my niece#1 sing. I was jazzed.
We pull in, park, and wait for the parade – you heard me. I almost had tears when I saw my niece#2 on the fire truck. She was so grown-up in her uniform throwing candy. Next was my nephew, same thing.
We moved on to the pep rally and took our seats. Out came the cheerleaders. My niece carried herself so beautifully. I was so proud. A permanent smile, strong cheers, right in line with the other girls. WOW! They also did a pyramid, WHAT, 7th grade, and she landed perfect! THAT’S RIGHT! SHE IS MY BLOOD. I COULD DO THAT! SO COULD HER MOM! THAT’S HOW WE ROLL!
Next was the National Anthem! Niece#1 sang beautifully. She was the only one of like 15 that stood properly. Her left hand behind her back. I don’t know who is raising these kids today. They were picking their noses, poking one another, leaning on each other, shifting, looking over their shoulders for their friends. WHAT! Ok, they are the choir, it is a 3 minutes song and their 3 minutes of fame!
While niece#2 was on the sidelines she was perfect as well. She stood with her hands at her hips holding her pompoms the entire time. I said POMPOMS! HA!
My nephew was with the football team. He is an angel. I never worry about him. He is always good! Love him.
Kudos to Sis for raising such perfect kids!
Love u all!
Toll Tag
I finally gave in. I have succumbed to the Transportation Gods. Those Bastards. I bought a Toll Tag. Well hubby bought it for me. Two hips and a hooray for him!
I vowed when I calculated the annual expense for using the toll to and from work, that I would go North to get South before spending money on it. THEN!, the assholes opened 45 on 620 while finishing construction and got me used to flying to work. My commute went from –I can’t even remember, to 13 minutes with the free tollway, back to 40 minutes with school in, and now today 15 minutes with school in. SHIZAM!
With another 20 minutes of sleep, I can think of a million reasons to make luvvvv to the Transportation Gods now!
I did determine that I can not afford this luxury daily. Today was an exception. I will only use this when I am running late. Hummm, how is that going to work? Should I change my alarm clock?
We will see how this goes.
To be continued….
I vowed when I calculated the annual expense for using the toll to and from work, that I would go North to get South before spending money on it. THEN!, the assholes opened 45 on 620 while finishing construction and got me used to flying to work. My commute went from –I can’t even remember, to 13 minutes with the free tollway, back to 40 minutes with school in, and now today 15 minutes with school in. SHIZAM!
With another 20 minutes of sleep, I can think of a million reasons to make luvvvv to the Transportation Gods now!
I did determine that I can not afford this luxury daily. Today was an exception. I will only use this when I am running late. Hummm, how is that going to work? Should I change my alarm clock?
We will see how this goes.
To be continued….
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Office Aromas
I work in a cubicle environment. The 5ft tall, cornflower blue fabric walls remind me of a state agency I used to work at. I have a secondhand, half assed comfy chair, with a stain that I choose not to run tests on. After all, I do have to sit here. There are 4 of us per row and connected to my row is another 4. We are all pretty tight.
You can imagine that everything said is heard, and everything heard is repeated. Likewise, everything eaten is shared, and everything smelt is commented on.
That brings me to today.
Some fool Some where sprayed Some thing.
I am not sure who to blame this on, but I definitely need to gossip about this. I HAVE to. It is what we do. I mean really, there is one chic over here that just got engaged and carries around Modern Bride. Perhaps she was going through the latest issue and thought Eau de Crap would be in style next year on her DAY!
There is a ding back girly girl adjacent to me that reeks VS lotion or body oil. I didn't use to hate VS. Maybe she felt the need to spray something. After all, she doesn't have near enough bottles of poison on her desk.
Then there is this section of all females by me. Well, there is one guy, but who is he kidding. It could have come from there. They are all young and hip. I can see them spraying something. I remember a time they had to spray stuff just to cover up someone else’s stench. Ya, you heard me Cole! Ring any bells! LOL!
In the end, I am relieved it is perfume I smell. Mark just reminded it has been worse.
You can imagine that everything said is heard, and everything heard is repeated. Likewise, everything eaten is shared, and everything smelt is commented on.
That brings me to today.
Some fool Some where sprayed Some thing.
I am not sure who to blame this on, but I definitely need to gossip about this. I HAVE to. It is what we do. I mean really, there is one chic over here that just got engaged and carries around Modern Bride. Perhaps she was going through the latest issue and thought Eau de Crap would be in style next year on her DAY!
There is a ding back girly girl adjacent to me that reeks VS lotion or body oil. I didn't use to hate VS. Maybe she felt the need to spray something. After all, she doesn't have near enough bottles of poison on her desk.
Then there is this section of all females by me. Well, there is one guy, but who is he kidding. It could have come from there. They are all young and hip. I can see them spraying something. I remember a time they had to spray stuff just to cover up someone else’s stench. Ya, you heard me Cole! Ring any bells! LOL!
In the end, I am relieved it is perfume I smell. Mark just reminded it has been worse.
Friday, August 31, 2007
O.C.D.
I suffer from OCD on occasion. Any occasion I can think of really. I get excited and indulge over the smallest things. I am easily amused, and easy to please.
What can I say, Carpe diem! I take meds. Give a girl a break.
I have had Netflix for 3 years and still check it every day. More than once. I have movies saved that are not even released to video, or even made. I get all giddy over what to expect; horror, action, drama, comedy, romance, foreign, documentary. I just can’t wait 2 days for the mail.
I have had a myspace account for 2+ years. I check that every day too. AND update it. How many times does one need to change their layout and song? I would rather call my friends anyway. And how old am I? It is one of my creative outlets I suppose.
I started making bracelets a few years back and went 4K in debt because I needed everything. I mean how am I going to make any without all the colors, and shapes, and sizes. Or all the toggles and clasps. What about the gage of wire and cord? And the charms; that was a whole new avenue.
I started collecting crosses about 7 years ago. I haven’t stopped. I love them. I am picky, but I love the ones I have. I don’t even know where to put them all but I want more. Anytime I go on vacation, ya, I get another one for a souvenir. And by cross, I mean a decorative hanging cross, not necklace or a crucifix, in case you were taking notes.
I realized recently when I buy something, I buy two. I have no idea why. I doubt HEB will run out of gum. I always have a backup of everything. Seriously, my last shopping trip was Lysol, Windex, Colgate, Wavy Lay’s, toffee nut creamer, bread, cheese and sour cream. I have two of these things.
When I get hungry for something I eat it over and over until I can’t stand the thought of it. Then move on to a new obsession. One time, Lucy and I had Jason’s Deli for lunch every day for a week. She never complained. Thanks Luc. I have put her through that a million times come to think of it. Thanks again.
I made this blog a week or two ago and am on it every day. I like that I am able to get my feelings off my chest without really saying a word. I don’t have a life or any followers, so naturally, I spill it all. But in all honesty, I don’t have anything to say. I don’t do anything. Thanks Boss for showing me this outlet.
Speaking of spilling it; I found a new panty liner by accident. I think I will marry it. It is a little clingy, but all in all, the best I have ever found. Kudos to my newest find! Lucy says I should wear it as a name tag. I think I might.
At any given time, I have 3-5 bottles of water in my car. Every time I walk out of the house I grab one. I would flip out if I didn’t have a drink in hand all the time. I mean what if I choke? And for the record, people have laughed, but they have needed them now and again.
I wont even begin to describe the items in my nightstand drawer. Lol. That goes beyond ridiculous. Anything you can imagine in a medicine cabinet is in there. I have to clean it out on occasion and start over. It is a nail drawer, burts bees, ibuprofen, books, of a mess.
The last thing I can think of that I obsess over is company. The thought of company coming. At any given time I have a 12 pack of toilet paper, backup soap and shampoo, guest towels, tea, milk, bread, eggs, bacon, coffee, sprite, coke, dr pepper, the dog groomed, and the house between 71-74, just in case.. I mean what if someone shows up. I want them to feel welcome and be comfy.
I may need more meds.
What can I say, Carpe diem! I take meds. Give a girl a break.
I have had Netflix for 3 years and still check it every day. More than once. I have movies saved that are not even released to video, or even made. I get all giddy over what to expect; horror, action, drama, comedy, romance, foreign, documentary. I just can’t wait 2 days for the mail.
I have had a myspace account for 2+ years. I check that every day too. AND update it. How many times does one need to change their layout and song? I would rather call my friends anyway. And how old am I? It is one of my creative outlets I suppose.
I started making bracelets a few years back and went 4K in debt because I needed everything. I mean how am I going to make any without all the colors, and shapes, and sizes. Or all the toggles and clasps. What about the gage of wire and cord? And the charms; that was a whole new avenue.
I started collecting crosses about 7 years ago. I haven’t stopped. I love them. I am picky, but I love the ones I have. I don’t even know where to put them all but I want more. Anytime I go on vacation, ya, I get another one for a souvenir. And by cross, I mean a decorative hanging cross, not necklace or a crucifix, in case you were taking notes.
I realized recently when I buy something, I buy two. I have no idea why. I doubt HEB will run out of gum. I always have a backup of everything. Seriously, my last shopping trip was Lysol, Windex, Colgate, Wavy Lay’s, toffee nut creamer, bread, cheese and sour cream. I have two of these things.
When I get hungry for something I eat it over and over until I can’t stand the thought of it. Then move on to a new obsession. One time, Lucy and I had Jason’s Deli for lunch every day for a week. She never complained. Thanks Luc. I have put her through that a million times come to think of it. Thanks again.
I made this blog a week or two ago and am on it every day. I like that I am able to get my feelings off my chest without really saying a word. I don’t have a life or any followers, so naturally, I spill it all. But in all honesty, I don’t have anything to say. I don’t do anything. Thanks Boss for showing me this outlet.
Speaking of spilling it; I found a new panty liner by accident. I think I will marry it. It is a little clingy, but all in all, the best I have ever found. Kudos to my newest find! Lucy says I should wear it as a name tag. I think I might.
At any given time, I have 3-5 bottles of water in my car. Every time I walk out of the house I grab one. I would flip out if I didn’t have a drink in hand all the time. I mean what if I choke? And for the record, people have laughed, but they have needed them now and again.
I wont even begin to describe the items in my nightstand drawer. Lol. That goes beyond ridiculous. Anything you can imagine in a medicine cabinet is in there. I have to clean it out on occasion and start over. It is a nail drawer, burts bees, ibuprofen, books, of a mess.
The last thing I can think of that I obsess over is company. The thought of company coming. At any given time I have a 12 pack of toilet paper, backup soap and shampoo, guest towels, tea, milk, bread, eggs, bacon, coffee, sprite, coke, dr pepper, the dog groomed, and the house between 71-74, just in case.. I mean what if someone shows up. I want them to feel welcome and be comfy.
I may need more meds.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Surprise lunch date
I had a surprise phone call today! LOVE THOSE! My sis was going to be in town for a while, did I want to grab lunch? Do bees sting? Hell’s ya! I cleared my schedule from 10-2 just in case!
I dragged Lucy along for a ride and a laugh. We met at 11 for some bang up Chinese. To be honest, I wasn’t even certain the doors would be open yet. One pull on the Lions nose ring and we were in. Luckily, we weren’t the first customers.
Lunch flew by. We spent every second jabbering. Devouring our food so that we could chat more. Telling story after story, we caught up on everyone and everything. It was a great time. We were those annoying people that you hate in restaurants.
My fortune cookie said I am going to receive an unusual gift. My sister offered up her husband. I wasn’t sure if that was the unusual part or the gift part, so we laughed some more. The cookie didn’t mention what lifetime I was to receive this gift. They never do.
Sis paid for lunch. Rock on Sis! What a treat. We stood out front for another 5 minutes. Just couldn’t pull ourselves away. Giggling like 15 year olds and reminiscing about the past, we could have been there forever. Instead work was calling my name so we hugged and kissed goodbye.
It was sad seeing her go. I don’t get enough sister time with her. The kind when she is herself. Free of demands, responsibilities and distractions. She always has to be a wife or mother, a psychologist or therapist, a doctor or teacher, a veterinarian or gardener, a chauffer or delivery boy, a chef or maid, a repairman or accountant, and so on.
It made today extra special having her for an hour to myself. I got to see the lighthearted, carefree sis that I love so much. Yes, I’m jealous that I don’t get her to myself very often, but I am thrilled that I saw her today.
Thank God for my Sister!
I dragged Lucy along for a ride and a laugh. We met at 11 for some bang up Chinese. To be honest, I wasn’t even certain the doors would be open yet. One pull on the Lions nose ring and we were in. Luckily, we weren’t the first customers.
Lunch flew by. We spent every second jabbering. Devouring our food so that we could chat more. Telling story after story, we caught up on everyone and everything. It was a great time. We were those annoying people that you hate in restaurants.
My fortune cookie said I am going to receive an unusual gift. My sister offered up her husband. I wasn’t sure if that was the unusual part or the gift part, so we laughed some more. The cookie didn’t mention what lifetime I was to receive this gift. They never do.
Sis paid for lunch. Rock on Sis! What a treat. We stood out front for another 5 minutes. Just couldn’t pull ourselves away. Giggling like 15 year olds and reminiscing about the past, we could have been there forever. Instead work was calling my name so we hugged and kissed goodbye.
It was sad seeing her go. I don’t get enough sister time with her. The kind when she is herself. Free of demands, responsibilities and distractions. She always has to be a wife or mother, a psychologist or therapist, a doctor or teacher, a veterinarian or gardener, a chauffer or delivery boy, a chef or maid, a repairman or accountant, and so on.
It made today extra special having her for an hour to myself. I got to see the lighthearted, carefree sis that I love so much. Yes, I’m jealous that I don’t get her to myself very often, but I am thrilled that I saw her today.
Thank God for my Sister!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
What do I do?
I have recently started bringing coffee to work and brewing it for myself and close friends. That is working out fantastic! I mean YUM! What is better than starting your day off with delicious, fresh ground coffee! We all know how much office coffee chupas!
The problem: It is 2:13pm and this is the 3rd time I have opened my filiing cabinet today and smelled the aroma of FRESH GROUND YUMMY COFFEE!
I mean what is a girl to do?
Stop working so I am not drawn to the smell? Good thought.
Stop bringing my own coffee? I shiver.
Drink fancy coffee all day and get a second job to support my obsession? Good idea in theory.
I mean what is a girl to do?
The problem: It is 2:13pm and this is the 3rd time I have opened my filiing cabinet today and smelled the aroma of FRESH GROUND YUMMY COFFEE!
I mean what is a girl to do?
Stop working so I am not drawn to the smell? Good thought.
Stop bringing my own coffee? I shiver.
Drink fancy coffee all day and get a second job to support my obsession? Good idea in theory.
I mean what is a girl to do?
Where did the time go?
They say time flies when you’re having fun. I always hated that expression, but I do wonder where the last 14 years have gone. I have had a lot of fun along the way.
If it had sucked more, would it have gone by slower?
As I recall, the fun started on December, 20, 1993. I was working at Jack Brown Cleaners and met a new employee. Turned out it was her birthday and she had just moved into town. We hit it off right away and were quickly inseparable. Being that she was new to town, we got to go to ALL the cool places. Over and over.
Soon we were a force to be reckoned with. Joined at the hip and finishing each others sentences, we spent every minute together. We took turns buying breakfast; we shared lunch, and went out for dinner. My house, hers, or out, it didn’t matter where we were, we were having a blast. I remember we always took her car because mine was gay. My dad had my name pin striped across the back. No lie. And hers was cool anyway.
Eight months into our friendship I broke it off with a long time boyfriend and moved home. We had 24/7 party access. Something I did not have being tied down. I stayed at her apartment most of the time. I remember the chips and dip. The VCR. The James Dean shower curtain. The stackable washer and drawer. Amen for doing our laundry in your apartment. And the card table for a kitchen table. We rode into work together and jammed everyday. You heard me, I said jammed. We were off work at 3pm and ready to play. The world was at our disposal. Man that year flew.
I turned 21 first so for her birthday we went nuts. Club after club. Shot after shot. Drink after drink. We don’t even know how we made it home. We went into work a few hours later still drunk. To this day we still don’t know how we ended up in bed together. I always slept on the sofa. Those were the days.
We partied for the next two years like that. We had both become store managers so we could come and go as we pleased. We had the budget and the friends to hang with. We thought we were the shit. In the clubs every night. Lots of friends. Lots of free drinks. Lots of shopping. Lots of exploring. An over indulgence of everything. The world was at our fingertips.
We grew up together. It was the best time of my life. We shared everything. Remember the pictures we took before the concert? We were HOT!!! Oh, and remember when I left Mitzi at your house and she chewed up all the carpet? I almost shit my pants….Thank Gawd for dad…. We bought our first new cars together. And second. And third. We went through boyfriends together. Remember that customer of mine,Brian Hill, f-f-f-f-f-football, the UT law school grad. Man he was muscular and smelled fantastic! And you went out with the baseball player, Alan Motloch, what was his last name? And we all four grilled marshmallows off your blacony. Remember that weekend in Bandera when you took Andrew Pardo. bam chukka bam bam……. Girl we had fun!
At 5 years, I got married, and she bought a house. We both changed jobs. Through it all, we stayed in touch everyday. After all, she was my bridesmaid, and I helped paint her kitchen. We had adjusted to the new lifestyles and the new jobs. I got pretty wrapped up in my life and time flew but she forgave me(THANK YOU). Then, she changed jobs again and brought me over. We have worked here for 8 years now.
We are nearing 14 years. I know I would die without her. Her wisdom and guidance. Her nonsense and laughter. Her hugs and kisses. She is always there for me no matter what. Even is she doesn’t want to hear anymore of my drama, she would never tell me. She is my best friend.
I don’t know where I will be 14 years from now, but I do know for certain, she will be in my life!
If it had sucked more, would it have gone by slower?
As I recall, the fun started on December, 20, 1993. I was working at Jack Brown Cleaners and met a new employee. Turned out it was her birthday and she had just moved into town. We hit it off right away and were quickly inseparable. Being that she was new to town, we got to go to ALL the cool places. Over and over.
Soon we were a force to be reckoned with. Joined at the hip and finishing each others sentences, we spent every minute together. We took turns buying breakfast; we shared lunch, and went out for dinner. My house, hers, or out, it didn’t matter where we were, we were having a blast. I remember we always took her car because mine was gay. My dad had my name pin striped across the back. No lie. And hers was cool anyway.
Eight months into our friendship I broke it off with a long time boyfriend and moved home. We had 24/7 party access. Something I did not have being tied down. I stayed at her apartment most of the time. I remember the chips and dip. The VCR. The James Dean shower curtain. The stackable washer and drawer. Amen for doing our laundry in your apartment. And the card table for a kitchen table. We rode into work together and jammed everyday. You heard me, I said jammed. We were off work at 3pm and ready to play. The world was at our disposal. Man that year flew.
I turned 21 first so for her birthday we went nuts. Club after club. Shot after shot. Drink after drink. We don’t even know how we made it home. We went into work a few hours later still drunk. To this day we still don’t know how we ended up in bed together. I always slept on the sofa. Those were the days.
We partied for the next two years like that. We had both become store managers so we could come and go as we pleased. We had the budget and the friends to hang with. We thought we were the shit. In the clubs every night. Lots of friends. Lots of free drinks. Lots of shopping. Lots of exploring. An over indulgence of everything. The world was at our fingertips.
We grew up together. It was the best time of my life. We shared everything. Remember the pictures we took before the concert? We were HOT!!! Oh, and remember when I left Mitzi at your house and she chewed up all the carpet? I almost shit my pants….Thank Gawd for dad…. We bought our first new cars together. And second. And third. We went through boyfriends together. Remember that customer of mine,Brian Hill, f-f-f-f-f-football, the UT law school grad. Man he was muscular and smelled fantastic! And you went out with the baseball player, Alan Motloch, what was his last name? And we all four grilled marshmallows off your blacony. Remember that weekend in Bandera when you took Andrew Pardo. bam chukka bam bam……. Girl we had fun!
At 5 years, I got married, and she bought a house. We both changed jobs. Through it all, we stayed in touch everyday. After all, she was my bridesmaid, and I helped paint her kitchen. We had adjusted to the new lifestyles and the new jobs. I got pretty wrapped up in my life and time flew but she forgave me(THANK YOU). Then, she changed jobs again and brought me over. We have worked here for 8 years now.
We are nearing 14 years. I know I would die without her. Her wisdom and guidance. Her nonsense and laughter. Her hugs and kisses. She is always there for me no matter what. Even is she doesn’t want to hear anymore of my drama, she would never tell me. She is my best friend.
I don’t know where I will be 14 years from now, but I do know for certain, she will be in my life!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Some Days are better than others.
Yes, we ARE in charge of our own destinies.
It's just that sometimes we aren't certain if where we
think we are headed is really where we planned.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Lobby Duty
I am covering the phones for our receptionist currently. Just call me Nicole the Great; receptionist extraordinaire. Agnus will be out for a while and they picked me, along with Cole and Lucy to ‘cover the transition’. This really sucks balls. So here I sit, listening to a Paul Harvey wanna be on the radio and wondering why my lunch was cut in half for this crap.
Staring at the useless items that cover this dust ridden mockery of a desk, I wonder how this lady focuses on anything. Then I remember that the only thing she does all day is walk her daughter, Melody (no lie), through recipes, scan claims into the system, and transfer calls; all the while painting her fingernails. I will give it to her for multi-tasking.
The usual items on this desk include a scanner, printer, desk lamp, calculator, stapler, Kleenex (I will need those if I am up here much longer), and plants. These are plain and boring; still they are not in any order or straight. And where the hell are scissors in the place, the one thing I need?
The items that give me a chuckle are: fingernail polish, lip gloss-did I mention she is pushing 60-not that she doesn't deserve to look her best-I just giggle at ladies wearing lip gloss-my grams wore lipstick, a koosh ball, a big ol' fingernail file with half naked babies wearing angel wings and sitting on clouds-ya-how's that for professional, a half full bottle of old ass crusty Elmer's glue-ya that's what I said, a rubber finger tip-HA!, a post-it that says 'The Insider'-I mean really-can you not retain this useful information?(oh right-she is multi-tasking-sorry, Agnus), her personal rolodex-anyone need a hairstylist or CPA?, an envelope moistener-ok that just makes me laugh, a mirror-hehe, 3 bottles of lotion-I am not even going there, and two votive candles-can you even burn candles at work? Why are these things always up here? I mean she has a shit load drawers.
Ok then, I think I will stroll back to my desk now. Out of the public eye where I can sit a box tampons on my desk if I damn well please. I like it there. It is MINE!
My personal items:
3 pics
3 cutout pics
3 bears, an elephant, a pig
a magnetic paperclip stilleto
a decoration that says Drama Queen
A vast majority of these things were gifts, MY FRIENDS ROCK!
Side note:I may leave her a post-it up there next time.
"Agnus, may I borrow your polish sometime?"
Staring at the useless items that cover this dust ridden mockery of a desk, I wonder how this lady focuses on anything. Then I remember that the only thing she does all day is walk her daughter, Melody (no lie), through recipes, scan claims into the system, and transfer calls; all the while painting her fingernails. I will give it to her for multi-tasking.
The usual items on this desk include a scanner, printer, desk lamp, calculator, stapler, Kleenex (I will need those if I am up here much longer), and plants. These are plain and boring; still they are not in any order or straight. And where the hell are scissors in the place, the one thing I need?
The items that give me a chuckle are: fingernail polish, lip gloss-did I mention she is pushing 60-not that she doesn't deserve to look her best-I just giggle at ladies wearing lip gloss-my grams wore lipstick, a koosh ball, a big ol' fingernail file with half naked babies wearing angel wings and sitting on clouds-ya-how's that for professional, a half full bottle of old ass crusty Elmer's glue-ya that's what I said, a rubber finger tip-HA!, a post-it that says 'The Insider'-I mean really-can you not retain this useful information?(oh right-she is multi-tasking-sorry, Agnus), her personal rolodex-anyone need a hairstylist or CPA?, an envelope moistener-ok that just makes me laugh, a mirror-hehe, 3 bottles of lotion-I am not even going there, and two votive candles-can you even burn candles at work? Why are these things always up here? I mean she has a shit load drawers.
Ok then, I think I will stroll back to my desk now. Out of the public eye where I can sit a box tampons on my desk if I damn well please. I like it there. It is MINE!
My personal items:
3 pics
3 cutout pics
3 bears, an elephant, a pig
a magnetic paperclip stilleto
a decoration that says Drama Queen
a candy bowl(skittles-taste the rainbow)
a bamboo with 3 stalks
A vast majority of these things were gifts, MY FRIENDS ROCK!
Side note:I may leave her a post-it up there next time.
"Agnus, may I borrow your polish sometime?"
Next Weekend
Yesterday ended on a high note. I talked to Gretchen. She rocks my world. We are making plans to meet up next weekend. SHUT UP! OMG! It has been 10 months.
BOO on that. Rainforest Café, Bring it! Pass the umbrella drinks. Now there is a drink I can finish.
I met her online and a week later I was at her house, on my lunch ‘2’ hours. We hit it off instantly. I swear she is the only person on the EXACT same wavelength as me. I think the two of us together might equal one brain. We are dingy and crazy and raunchy and hilarious and the fun never stops. Remember that one time :O
We use the same words- How U doin’?, act the same-Retawded, look the same- HOT, feel the same- fuck everyone else, same taste in movies- that never happens, and miss each other more than people in Hell miss ice. It is uncanny how we ‘get’ each other. Read each others minds. Know when the others needs a pick me up. Always able to offer honest advice. Totally helpful when my mind is cloudy.
She moved back to Nahlins to be with her family and help her mom about a year ago. With the distance, we spend a LOT of time writing, texting, IMing, and talking. We are TIGHT. Like pantyhose in Texas heat.
She knows everything about me. I mean everything. Even that one thing. Past, present, and future. As well, I know her. Although no one really knows what Gretchen might be about to do.
I can’t wait for the day we are in the same city again. Talk about trouble.
Next weekend, here I come!
I love you infinity X infinity Gretch!
Thanks for being in my life!
BOO on that. Rainforest Café, Bring it! Pass the umbrella drinks. Now there is a drink I can finish.
I met her online and a week later I was at her house, on my lunch ‘2’ hours. We hit it off instantly. I swear she is the only person on the EXACT same wavelength as me. I think the two of us together might equal one brain. We are dingy and crazy and raunchy and hilarious and the fun never stops. Remember that one time :O
We use the same words- How U doin’?, act the same-Retawded, look the same- HOT, feel the same- fuck everyone else, same taste in movies- that never happens, and miss each other more than people in Hell miss ice. It is uncanny how we ‘get’ each other. Read each others minds. Know when the others needs a pick me up. Always able to offer honest advice. Totally helpful when my mind is cloudy.
She moved back to Nahlins to be with her family and help her mom about a year ago. With the distance, we spend a LOT of time writing, texting, IMing, and talking. We are TIGHT. Like pantyhose in Texas heat.
She knows everything about me. I mean everything. Even that one thing. Past, present, and future. As well, I know her. Although no one really knows what Gretchen might be about to do.
I can’t wait for the day we are in the same city again. Talk about trouble.
Next weekend, here I come!
I love you infinity X infinity Gretch!
Thanks for being in my life!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Today,
was pretty much a carbon copy of yesterday. Minus the Monday part.
So now Tuesday is virtually over.
I am waiting for my 'ride'. Kill me.
On a lighter note, I have gum.
And, tomorrow is hump day.
Woohoo, bring on the Marching band!
Over and out!
So now Tuesday is virtually over.
I am waiting for my 'ride'. Kill me.
On a lighter note, I have gum.
And, tomorrow is hump day.
Woohoo, bring on the Marching band!
Over and out!
Monday, August 20, 2007
A day in the life of me.
This week sucks great Big Donkey Dicks!
And, it is only Monday.
I have no transportation. Hubby is driving my car. WHAT! His is in shop ALL week.
I have no gum! KILL ME. *must go to corner store.
I have to dress corporate tomorrow. I don’t get paid enough for this shit!
I have to bring my lunch all week because I am poor.
YEAH ME!
And, it is only Monday.
I have no transportation. Hubby is driving my car. WHAT! His is in shop ALL week.
I have no gum! KILL ME. *must go to corner store.
I have to dress corporate tomorrow. I don’t get paid enough for this shit!
I have to bring my lunch all week because I am poor.
YEAH ME!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
A job well done!
I sit here in 100* weather with my knees against the dash of the truck peering out the windshield. I'm certain it is hotter in here than if I were on the hood itself.
I watch my niece saddle her horse. I don't even know the names of all the leather covering his body now. She is so pristine in dressing him. Making sure every thing is so-so. They look like a million dollars. They are beginners, but watching them prepare you would never know. Every strap tightened, every hair in place. Their eyes meet and they know exactly why they are here.
At the mere age of 16, she is such a determined girl. So strong and driven. So confident and mature. She climbs onto her partner and enters another world. This is where she is herself and the most comfortable.
It is 5 o'clock and time to warm up. We move to the Arena to watch with anticipation. She has 4 runs this night, all equally spine tingling. It is 8 o'clock now and she is on fire. Each time her name is called I grip my seat. They fly out of the gate, round the first barrel, then the second, then the third. I scream “bring it in"... chill bumps covering my arms and tears in my eyes; I can not wait to see her, kiss her, and tell her how proud of her I am.
They are dripping wet. She looks moments from fainting, but can not drink anything. I brought her a cold towel, hope it helps. She takes Sancho for a cool down trot then returns to begin the undress process. Layer upon layer of leather and wool are removed. I don't know how she has the energy to lift the saddle.
It is 9:30 and they finally get a well deserved drink and congrats from their entourage. Then off we go. All I can see are taillights. I am left wanting more. The joy and pride racing brings to her heart is something that can not be duplicated. I can not make into words how truly blessed I am to have her in my life.
It was a wonderful day. I treasure the time spent with her and my family. I love you Mija!
*Event took place on 8/11/07 @ 1pm. Writing began at said date and time.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Connecting
I am so excited! I heard from two of my favorite friends yesterday.
I had an email waiting for me from Alli(LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS, SPAM SUX). We met at work and she moved to OK about a year ago. GAWD, how I've miss her. Well, turns out she is coming into town for the weekend and the gang is getting together. WOOHOO, shout it from the roof top. We will be sippin' and dippin' at the common dive. Suspect she has missed A-Tex.
She is the sweetest and most genuine friend I have. Centered with religious values and awesome to go shopping with, we have a blast every time we are in each others company. Coffee? What's that? Venti Carmel/Vanilla Low Fat Frappuccino ? Bring it! So sassarific and glamorous, she never ceases to bring spirit to everyone with whom she comes in contact. She is the kind of friend everyone needs at least one of.
Jess touched base after 6 weeks ago(we both suck). This is a long time for us to go without contact. HATE IT. Lunch Jess, When is lunch I ask you?? We also met at work and she moved on to bigger and better things, leaving me here. BOO on her. I'm sure I would have fit in her purse. She is one of the gang members but can’t attend Friday. BOO again. I will have to sneak out and flatten her tires.
She is the kind of friend everyone wished THEY had. I AM LUCKY. She is the one I go to for advice. For the questions that I need the real truth. The best listener ever, she can dissect my problems like a forensic pathologist. Her insight is unreal. She holds a lot of my secrets and a huge piece of my heart.
Come to think of it, I heard from Shaniqua also. She used to work with me and left to be with her children as I like to recall. She is very resilient and teaches me a lot about courage and overcoming obstacles. She is the loudest friend I have. And most fun to party with. Definitely, the most likely to get me into trouble, but most likely to give me the shirt off her back. She too, holds tons of my secrets.
These are some of my friends. I have many freinds like them, but these are my far off friends.
Thank you all for being in my life. smooches !
I had an email waiting for me from Alli(LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS, SPAM SUX). We met at work and she moved to OK about a year ago. GAWD, how I've miss her. Well, turns out she is coming into town for the weekend and the gang is getting together. WOOHOO, shout it from the roof top. We will be sippin' and dippin' at the common dive. Suspect she has missed A-Tex.
She is the sweetest and most genuine friend I have. Centered with religious values and awesome to go shopping with, we have a blast every time we are in each others company. Coffee? What's that? Venti Carmel/Vanilla Low Fat Frappuccino ? Bring it! So sassarific and glamorous, she never ceases to bring spirit to everyone with whom she comes in contact. She is the kind of friend everyone needs at least one of.
Jess touched base after 6 weeks ago(we both suck). This is a long time for us to go without contact. HATE IT. Lunch Jess, When is lunch I ask you?? We also met at work and she moved on to bigger and better things, leaving me here. BOO on her. I'm sure I would have fit in her purse. She is one of the gang members but can’t attend Friday. BOO again. I will have to sneak out and flatten her tires.
She is the kind of friend everyone wished THEY had. I AM LUCKY. She is the one I go to for advice. For the questions that I need the real truth. The best listener ever, she can dissect my problems like a forensic pathologist. Her insight is unreal. She holds a lot of my secrets and a huge piece of my heart.
Come to think of it, I heard from Shaniqua also. She used to work with me and left to be with her children as I like to recall. She is very resilient and teaches me a lot about courage and overcoming obstacles. She is the loudest friend I have. And most fun to party with. Definitely, the most likely to get me into trouble, but most likely to give me the shirt off her back. She too, holds tons of my secrets.
These are some of my friends. I have many freinds like them, but these are my far off friends.
Thank you all for being in my life. smooches !
1000 tons on my shoulders
Have you ever felt like you’ve let down the one person that counted on you the most? In their time of need you let them down? I hold that burden every minute, of every hour, of every day, and I cannot seem to shake it.
My mom had gotten into a horrible marriage. I barged in to save her and moved her in with me and hubby. We left her no choice. Truth be told she was relieved as well but will never admit it. We stormed into their home on a hot August day, bringing with us backup, boxes, trailers, extra hands, and listening to no excuses.
We had her out of that mess in 5 hours max and she would never look back. She was in our house with her own space, safe and sound. The entire family was at peace. For a time...
In the days leading up to the move I had promised, swore, crossed my heart, and did everything I could short of giving her my first born, to convince my mom that she was wanted and welcome in our house. She was not going to impose. I had to make her believe that she would have a place to call home forever, until the day she died. I SWORE IT.
Less than a year later, our lives took a turn that no one could predict. I no longer knew where my future was headed, let alone offer her any sense of security. She went her own way within a matter of weeks, and hubby and I went ours. She moved into a friend’s guest house; something she dreaded. We got an apartment in town, something we dreaded.
It has been a year and every minute, of every hour, of every day I worry about her still. Her aching bones. Her climbing stairs. Her cooking and cleaning alone. Mowing the lawn. Who does she talk to? Who listens? Who does she watch TV with? Does she get lonely? What does she do when she does? Who gets down the bowls out of the top of the cabinet? Who makes her laugh? On and on…
Most of all…
Does she still resent me?
Will she ever forgive me?
My mom had gotten into a horrible marriage. I barged in to save her and moved her in with me and hubby. We left her no choice. Truth be told she was relieved as well but will never admit it. We stormed into their home on a hot August day, bringing with us backup, boxes, trailers, extra hands, and listening to no excuses.
We had her out of that mess in 5 hours max and she would never look back. She was in our house with her own space, safe and sound. The entire family was at peace. For a time...
In the days leading up to the move I had promised, swore, crossed my heart, and did everything I could short of giving her my first born, to convince my mom that she was wanted and welcome in our house. She was not going to impose. I had to make her believe that she would have a place to call home forever, until the day she died. I SWORE IT.
Less than a year later, our lives took a turn that no one could predict. I no longer knew where my future was headed, let alone offer her any sense of security. She went her own way within a matter of weeks, and hubby and I went ours. She moved into a friend’s guest house; something she dreaded. We got an apartment in town, something we dreaded.
It has been a year and every minute, of every hour, of every day I worry about her still. Her aching bones. Her climbing stairs. Her cooking and cleaning alone. Mowing the lawn. Who does she talk to? Who listens? Who does she watch TV with? Does she get lonely? What does she do when she does? Who gets down the bowls out of the top of the cabinet? Who makes her laugh? On and on…
Most of all…
Does she still resent me?
Will she ever forgive me?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
"Everything"
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes.
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here.
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here.
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go.
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes.
You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part)
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark)
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here.
(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...
I'm sure you all listen to Alanis, I personally think she is the Bees Knees. Just wanted to share this song. And if you are my friend reading this, I love you infinity, but already know that; and you are the most gorgeous person I have ever known!
I believe we ALL have someone that feels this way about us.
We have likely felt this way about someone else. At least, I don't know anyone who hasn't.
It is a nice feeling, knowing you are loved and cared for, unconditionally.
I can think of 8 people in my life that I feel this way about, and 8 that feel this way about me (metaphorically speaking). Only 1 of them literally.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Try
Today is what I would call trying.
I tried to get out of bed on time, even though my dog contested.
I tried to give a crap, though my mind was just saying crap.
I tried to focus at work when all I could focus on was play.
I tried to drink 8 glasses of water throughout the day. I think I got down 3.
I tried to stay awake after lunch, but I am sure my chicken noodle soup had MSGs.
I tried to keep my mind pure. Riight. Do you know who all I talk to in a day?
I tried to remain in my chair. Riight. Do you know who I work with?
I tried not to gossip. Riight again.
I tried to keep my radio low enough for only me to hear, but loud enough so that I could not hear HER voice.
I will try again tomorrow.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Gifts
September 3, 2006, I found myself and hubby at our favorite ink shop with my mind made up. I had the artist draw up the sketch and my appointment was set for the following day. Elated by the thought of finally adding one more piece to my puzzle, I couldn’t wait to see the final design. I had one tattoo already, so I was jazzed about this one. No worries about the needle or pain.
This was something I wanted on my body for eternity; to express my innermost feelings and life experiences. The symbol was for me and no one else, and had to express exactly how I felt. With the events in my life as they were, I knew I had made the right decision on my design. It could not have been clearer. I had read about Holistic Healing, Feng Shui, and Meditation, dream interpretation, spiritual healing, and so on, and I kept going back to the Lotus flower. I felt the symbolism mimicked what I was trying to convey so I knew that was what it had to be.
My first one was a spur of the moment decision, and one of the best I have ever shared. Me, Lucy, and Melissa were having a girl’s night out. I few drinks into us and few giggles later, we randomly slid into a shop. While gazing at the plethora of designs on the walls, Lucy and I had what I like to call 'a moment'. We picked a design and dropped our drawers. Twenty minutes later we walked out branded for life. Though visually the size of my thumb, emotionally it envelops my heart and soul. Thank you Lucy, for such a priceless gift.
I have been known to say “every day is a new day for me”. Normally it is an airhead joke, but I do believe that everyday we are given a new day. We should use this day to make a start fresh. Begin again. I tend to take my life for granted. Always putting off till tomorrow, what I don’t want to admit today. It is so much easier that way. Denial....
I do not know how many more fresh starts I will be given.
This was something I wanted on my body for eternity; to express my innermost feelings and life experiences. The symbol was for me and no one else, and had to express exactly how I felt. With the events in my life as they were, I knew I had made the right decision on my design. It could not have been clearer. I had read about Holistic Healing, Feng Shui, and Meditation, dream interpretation, spiritual healing, and so on, and I kept going back to the Lotus flower. I felt the symbolism mimicked what I was trying to convey so I knew that was what it had to be.
My first one was a spur of the moment decision, and one of the best I have ever shared. Me, Lucy, and Melissa were having a girl’s night out. I few drinks into us and few giggles later, we randomly slid into a shop. While gazing at the plethora of designs on the walls, Lucy and I had what I like to call 'a moment'. We picked a design and dropped our drawers. Twenty minutes later we walked out branded for life. Though visually the size of my thumb, emotionally it envelops my heart and soul. Thank you Lucy, for such a priceless gift.
I have been known to say “every day is a new day for me”. Normally it is an airhead joke, but I do believe that everyday we are given a new day. We should use this day to make a start fresh. Begin again. I tend to take my life for granted. Always putting off till tomorrow, what I don’t want to admit today. It is so much easier that way. Denial....
I do not know how many more fresh starts I will be given.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Reactions
I have gone through things in my life that I consider less than pleasant, even to the point of horrible. Each of my actions has their own degree of pain, as that is all I have with which to compare them.
I hit a wild animal once. Was this a mother, or was its mother looking for it that evening?
I chose a boy over my morals at 15. I woke up a different person.
I have felt the joy of expecting a baby. For three months.
I have known the pride of home ownership. Greed is a horrible thing.
At my grandmother’s funeral, I peered through the chapel windows, not realizing her coffin was open. To this day, that image remains in my head, rather than her laughter.
I have had many, many things happen in my life. Many I choose to keep private; a lot that are unmentionable.
I believe it is how we react that makes us the person we are. I will not be crippled by my misfortunes, nor will I be demoralized by my actions.
I am strong and independent, and I am who I am because of my choices.
I hit a wild animal once. Was this a mother, or was its mother looking for it that evening?
I chose a boy over my morals at 15. I woke up a different person.
I have felt the joy of expecting a baby. For three months.
I have known the pride of home ownership. Greed is a horrible thing.
At my grandmother’s funeral, I peered through the chapel windows, not realizing her coffin was open. To this day, that image remains in my head, rather than her laughter.
I have had many, many things happen in my life. Many I choose to keep private; a lot that are unmentionable.
I believe it is how we react that makes us the person we are. I will not be crippled by my misfortunes, nor will I be demoralized by my actions.
I am strong and independent, and I am who I am because of my choices.
Ode to my Furry Friend
He is my BBF.
Besides the obvious things I have taught him he is the only 'person' I know that can read my mind and feel my pain.
I’m not sure how such a creature can remove a frown, dry a tear, heal wounds, bandage a broken heart, keep me warm, feeling secure, and love me unconditionally; but he does.
He is the most loyal man I know. With all of the things he has had to endure over his short life and all of the knowledge he stores, he must be exhausted. No wonder he does little more than follow me around and sit at my feet these days.
Besides the obvious things I have taught him he is the only 'person' I know that can read my mind and feel my pain.
I’m not sure how such a creature can remove a frown, dry a tear, heal wounds, bandage a broken heart, keep me warm, feeling secure, and love me unconditionally; but he does.
He is the most loyal man I know. With all of the things he has had to endure over his short life and all of the knowledge he stores, he must be exhausted. No wonder he does little more than follow me around and sit at my feet these days.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
When it comes to love, does anyone ever Really win?
When do I realize one can not live on love alone?
The chivalry and compliments, favors and dreams still runneth over, yet
I am left feeling empty. Too much damage has erupted for me forget.
Forgive, of course, forget, if shiver. I have never cared for anyone so much in
My life and yet wished the Gods rain on them so hard at the same time.
I have never shared so much joy and in the next breath so much dread.
This person I speak of allows me all the freedom I can fathom, so
Long as it is within arms reach. He has shown me many things so long as they suite
His greater good. He puts me on a pedestal and bows to my knees, yet jealousy
Cripples his mind.
I know not what to do with this, for love is complicated.
The chivalry and compliments, favors and dreams still runneth over, yet
I am left feeling empty. Too much damage has erupted for me forget.
Forgive, of course, forget, if shiver. I have never cared for anyone so much in
My life and yet wished the Gods rain on them so hard at the same time.
I have never shared so much joy and in the next breath so much dread.
This person I speak of allows me all the freedom I can fathom, so
Long as it is within arms reach. He has shown me many things so long as they suite
His greater good. He puts me on a pedestal and bows to my knees, yet jealousy
Cripples his mind.
I know not what to do with this, for love is complicated.
On the way to work.
Music has a way of getting into my head and suffocating me......
Youser!
You build me up
You knock me down
Provoke a smile
And make me frown
You are the queen of runaround
You know it's true
You chew me up
And spit me out
Enjoy the taste
I leave in your mouth
You look at me
I look at you
Neither of us know what to do
There may not
Be another way to your heart
So I guess I'd better find the new way in
I shiver when I hear your name
Think about you but it's not the same
I won't be satisfied till I'm under your skin
Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I believe them anyway
So come to bed it's getting late
There's no more time for us to waste
Remember how my body tastes
You feel your heart begin to race
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