I suffer from OCD on occasion. Any occasion I can think of really. I get excited and indulge over the smallest things. I am easily amused, and easy to please.
What can I say, Carpe diem! I take meds. Give a girl a break.
I have had Netflix for 3 years and still check it every day. More than once. I have movies saved that are not even released to video, or even made. I get all giddy over what to expect; horror, action, drama, comedy, romance, foreign, documentary. I just can’t wait 2 days for the mail.
I have had a myspace account for 2+ years. I check that every day too. AND update it. How many times does one need to change their layout and song? I would rather call my friends anyway. And how old am I? It is one of my creative outlets I suppose.
I started making bracelets a few years back and went 4K in debt because I needed everything. I mean how am I going to make any without all the colors, and shapes, and sizes. Or all the toggles and clasps. What about the gage of wire and cord? And the charms; that was a whole new avenue.
I started collecting crosses about 7 years ago. I haven’t stopped. I love them. I am picky, but I love the ones I have. I don’t even know where to put them all but I want more. Anytime I go on vacation, ya, I get another one for a souvenir. And by cross, I mean a decorative hanging cross, not necklace or a crucifix, in case you were taking notes.
I realized recently when I buy something, I buy two. I have no idea why. I doubt HEB will run out of gum. I always have a backup of everything. Seriously, my last shopping trip was Lysol, Windex, Colgate, Wavy Lay’s, toffee nut creamer, bread, cheese and sour cream. I have two of these things.
When I get hungry for something I eat it over and over until I can’t stand the thought of it. Then move on to a new obsession. One time, Lucy and I had Jason’s Deli for lunch every day for a week. She never complained. Thanks Luc. I have put her through that a million times come to think of it. Thanks again.
I made this blog a week or two ago and am on it every day. I like that I am able to get my feelings off my chest without really saying a word. I don’t have a life or any followers, so naturally, I spill it all. But in all honesty, I don’t have anything to say. I don’t do anything. Thanks Boss for showing me this outlet.
Speaking of spilling it; I found a new panty liner by accident. I think I will marry it. It is a little clingy, but all in all, the best I have ever found. Kudos to my newest find! Lucy says I should wear it as a name tag. I think I might.
At any given time, I have 3-5 bottles of water in my car. Every time I walk out of the house I grab one. I would flip out if I didn’t have a drink in hand all the time. I mean what if I choke? And for the record, people have laughed, but they have needed them now and again.
I wont even begin to describe the items in my nightstand drawer. Lol. That goes beyond ridiculous. Anything you can imagine in a medicine cabinet is in there. I have to clean it out on occasion and start over. It is a nail drawer, burts bees, ibuprofen, books, of a mess.
The last thing I can think of that I obsess over is company. The thought of company coming. At any given time I have a 12 pack of toilet paper, backup soap and shampoo, guest towels, tea, milk, bread, eggs, bacon, coffee, sprite, coke, dr pepper, the dog groomed, and the house between 71-74, just in case.. I mean what if someone shows up. I want them to feel welcome and be comfy.
I may need more meds.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Surprise lunch date
I had a surprise phone call today! LOVE THOSE! My sis was going to be in town for a while, did I want to grab lunch? Do bees sting? Hell’s ya! I cleared my schedule from 10-2 just in case!
I dragged Lucy along for a ride and a laugh. We met at 11 for some bang up Chinese. To be honest, I wasn’t even certain the doors would be open yet. One pull on the Lions nose ring and we were in. Luckily, we weren’t the first customers.
Lunch flew by. We spent every second jabbering. Devouring our food so that we could chat more. Telling story after story, we caught up on everyone and everything. It was a great time. We were those annoying people that you hate in restaurants.
My fortune cookie said I am going to receive an unusual gift. My sister offered up her husband. I wasn’t sure if that was the unusual part or the gift part, so we laughed some more. The cookie didn’t mention what lifetime I was to receive this gift. They never do.
Sis paid for lunch. Rock on Sis! What a treat. We stood out front for another 5 minutes. Just couldn’t pull ourselves away. Giggling like 15 year olds and reminiscing about the past, we could have been there forever. Instead work was calling my name so we hugged and kissed goodbye.
It was sad seeing her go. I don’t get enough sister time with her. The kind when she is herself. Free of demands, responsibilities and distractions. She always has to be a wife or mother, a psychologist or therapist, a doctor or teacher, a veterinarian or gardener, a chauffer or delivery boy, a chef or maid, a repairman or accountant, and so on.
It made today extra special having her for an hour to myself. I got to see the lighthearted, carefree sis that I love so much. Yes, I’m jealous that I don’t get her to myself very often, but I am thrilled that I saw her today.
Thank God for my Sister!
I dragged Lucy along for a ride and a laugh. We met at 11 for some bang up Chinese. To be honest, I wasn’t even certain the doors would be open yet. One pull on the Lions nose ring and we were in. Luckily, we weren’t the first customers.
Lunch flew by. We spent every second jabbering. Devouring our food so that we could chat more. Telling story after story, we caught up on everyone and everything. It was a great time. We were those annoying people that you hate in restaurants.
My fortune cookie said I am going to receive an unusual gift. My sister offered up her husband. I wasn’t sure if that was the unusual part or the gift part, so we laughed some more. The cookie didn’t mention what lifetime I was to receive this gift. They never do.
Sis paid for lunch. Rock on Sis! What a treat. We stood out front for another 5 minutes. Just couldn’t pull ourselves away. Giggling like 15 year olds and reminiscing about the past, we could have been there forever. Instead work was calling my name so we hugged and kissed goodbye.
It was sad seeing her go. I don’t get enough sister time with her. The kind when she is herself. Free of demands, responsibilities and distractions. She always has to be a wife or mother, a psychologist or therapist, a doctor or teacher, a veterinarian or gardener, a chauffer or delivery boy, a chef or maid, a repairman or accountant, and so on.
It made today extra special having her for an hour to myself. I got to see the lighthearted, carefree sis that I love so much. Yes, I’m jealous that I don’t get her to myself very often, but I am thrilled that I saw her today.
Thank God for my Sister!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
What do I do?
I have recently started bringing coffee to work and brewing it for myself and close friends. That is working out fantastic! I mean YUM! What is better than starting your day off with delicious, fresh ground coffee! We all know how much office coffee chupas!
The problem: It is 2:13pm and this is the 3rd time I have opened my filiing cabinet today and smelled the aroma of FRESH GROUND YUMMY COFFEE!
I mean what is a girl to do?
Stop working so I am not drawn to the smell? Good thought.
Stop bringing my own coffee? I shiver.
Drink fancy coffee all day and get a second job to support my obsession? Good idea in theory.
I mean what is a girl to do?
The problem: It is 2:13pm and this is the 3rd time I have opened my filiing cabinet today and smelled the aroma of FRESH GROUND YUMMY COFFEE!
I mean what is a girl to do?
Stop working so I am not drawn to the smell? Good thought.
Stop bringing my own coffee? I shiver.
Drink fancy coffee all day and get a second job to support my obsession? Good idea in theory.
I mean what is a girl to do?
Where did the time go?
They say time flies when you’re having fun. I always hated that expression, but I do wonder where the last 14 years have gone. I have had a lot of fun along the way.
If it had sucked more, would it have gone by slower?
As I recall, the fun started on December, 20, 1993. I was working at Jack Brown Cleaners and met a new employee. Turned out it was her birthday and she had just moved into town. We hit it off right away and were quickly inseparable. Being that she was new to town, we got to go to ALL the cool places. Over and over.
Soon we were a force to be reckoned with. Joined at the hip and finishing each others sentences, we spent every minute together. We took turns buying breakfast; we shared lunch, and went out for dinner. My house, hers, or out, it didn’t matter where we were, we were having a blast. I remember we always took her car because mine was gay. My dad had my name pin striped across the back. No lie. And hers was cool anyway.
Eight months into our friendship I broke it off with a long time boyfriend and moved home. We had 24/7 party access. Something I did not have being tied down. I stayed at her apartment most of the time. I remember the chips and dip. The VCR. The James Dean shower curtain. The stackable washer and drawer. Amen for doing our laundry in your apartment. And the card table for a kitchen table. We rode into work together and jammed everyday. You heard me, I said jammed. We were off work at 3pm and ready to play. The world was at our disposal. Man that year flew.
I turned 21 first so for her birthday we went nuts. Club after club. Shot after shot. Drink after drink. We don’t even know how we made it home. We went into work a few hours later still drunk. To this day we still don’t know how we ended up in bed together. I always slept on the sofa. Those were the days.
We partied for the next two years like that. We had both become store managers so we could come and go as we pleased. We had the budget and the friends to hang with. We thought we were the shit. In the clubs every night. Lots of friends. Lots of free drinks. Lots of shopping. Lots of exploring. An over indulgence of everything. The world was at our fingertips.
We grew up together. It was the best time of my life. We shared everything. Remember the pictures we took before the concert? We were HOT!!! Oh, and remember when I left Mitzi at your house and she chewed up all the carpet? I almost shit my pants….Thank Gawd for dad…. We bought our first new cars together. And second. And third. We went through boyfriends together. Remember that customer of mine,Brian Hill, f-f-f-f-f-football, the UT law school grad. Man he was muscular and smelled fantastic! And you went out with the baseball player, Alan Motloch, what was his last name? And we all four grilled marshmallows off your blacony. Remember that weekend in Bandera when you took Andrew Pardo. bam chukka bam bam……. Girl we had fun!
At 5 years, I got married, and she bought a house. We both changed jobs. Through it all, we stayed in touch everyday. After all, she was my bridesmaid, and I helped paint her kitchen. We had adjusted to the new lifestyles and the new jobs. I got pretty wrapped up in my life and time flew but she forgave me(THANK YOU). Then, she changed jobs again and brought me over. We have worked here for 8 years now.
We are nearing 14 years. I know I would die without her. Her wisdom and guidance. Her nonsense and laughter. Her hugs and kisses. She is always there for me no matter what. Even is she doesn’t want to hear anymore of my drama, she would never tell me. She is my best friend.
I don’t know where I will be 14 years from now, but I do know for certain, she will be in my life!
If it had sucked more, would it have gone by slower?
As I recall, the fun started on December, 20, 1993. I was working at Jack Brown Cleaners and met a new employee. Turned out it was her birthday and she had just moved into town. We hit it off right away and were quickly inseparable. Being that she was new to town, we got to go to ALL the cool places. Over and over.
Soon we were a force to be reckoned with. Joined at the hip and finishing each others sentences, we spent every minute together. We took turns buying breakfast; we shared lunch, and went out for dinner. My house, hers, or out, it didn’t matter where we were, we were having a blast. I remember we always took her car because mine was gay. My dad had my name pin striped across the back. No lie. And hers was cool anyway.
Eight months into our friendship I broke it off with a long time boyfriend and moved home. We had 24/7 party access. Something I did not have being tied down. I stayed at her apartment most of the time. I remember the chips and dip. The VCR. The James Dean shower curtain. The stackable washer and drawer. Amen for doing our laundry in your apartment. And the card table for a kitchen table. We rode into work together and jammed everyday. You heard me, I said jammed. We were off work at 3pm and ready to play. The world was at our disposal. Man that year flew.
I turned 21 first so for her birthday we went nuts. Club after club. Shot after shot. Drink after drink. We don’t even know how we made it home. We went into work a few hours later still drunk. To this day we still don’t know how we ended up in bed together. I always slept on the sofa. Those were the days.
We partied for the next two years like that. We had both become store managers so we could come and go as we pleased. We had the budget and the friends to hang with. We thought we were the shit. In the clubs every night. Lots of friends. Lots of free drinks. Lots of shopping. Lots of exploring. An over indulgence of everything. The world was at our fingertips.
We grew up together. It was the best time of my life. We shared everything. Remember the pictures we took before the concert? We were HOT!!! Oh, and remember when I left Mitzi at your house and she chewed up all the carpet? I almost shit my pants….Thank Gawd for dad…. We bought our first new cars together. And second. And third. We went through boyfriends together. Remember that customer of mine,Brian Hill, f-f-f-f-f-football, the UT law school grad. Man he was muscular and smelled fantastic! And you went out with the baseball player, Alan Motloch, what was his last name? And we all four grilled marshmallows off your blacony. Remember that weekend in Bandera when you took Andrew Pardo. bam chukka bam bam……. Girl we had fun!
At 5 years, I got married, and she bought a house. We both changed jobs. Through it all, we stayed in touch everyday. After all, she was my bridesmaid, and I helped paint her kitchen. We had adjusted to the new lifestyles and the new jobs. I got pretty wrapped up in my life and time flew but she forgave me(THANK YOU). Then, she changed jobs again and brought me over. We have worked here for 8 years now.
We are nearing 14 years. I know I would die without her. Her wisdom and guidance. Her nonsense and laughter. Her hugs and kisses. She is always there for me no matter what. Even is she doesn’t want to hear anymore of my drama, she would never tell me. She is my best friend.
I don’t know where I will be 14 years from now, but I do know for certain, she will be in my life!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Some Days are better than others.
Yes, we ARE in charge of our own destinies.
It's just that sometimes we aren't certain if where we
think we are headed is really where we planned.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Lobby Duty
I am covering the phones for our receptionist currently. Just call me Nicole the Great; receptionist extraordinaire. Agnus will be out for a while and they picked me, along with Cole and Lucy to ‘cover the transition’. This really sucks balls. So here I sit, listening to a Paul Harvey wanna be on the radio and wondering why my lunch was cut in half for this crap.
Staring at the useless items that cover this dust ridden mockery of a desk, I wonder how this lady focuses on anything. Then I remember that the only thing she does all day is walk her daughter, Melody (no lie), through recipes, scan claims into the system, and transfer calls; all the while painting her fingernails. I will give it to her for multi-tasking.
The usual items on this desk include a scanner, printer, desk lamp, calculator, stapler, Kleenex (I will need those if I am up here much longer), and plants. These are plain and boring; still they are not in any order or straight. And where the hell are scissors in the place, the one thing I need?
The items that give me a chuckle are: fingernail polish, lip gloss-did I mention she is pushing 60-not that she doesn't deserve to look her best-I just giggle at ladies wearing lip gloss-my grams wore lipstick, a koosh ball, a big ol' fingernail file with half naked babies wearing angel wings and sitting on clouds-ya-how's that for professional, a half full bottle of old ass crusty Elmer's glue-ya that's what I said, a rubber finger tip-HA!, a post-it that says 'The Insider'-I mean really-can you not retain this useful information?(oh right-she is multi-tasking-sorry, Agnus), her personal rolodex-anyone need a hairstylist or CPA?, an envelope moistener-ok that just makes me laugh, a mirror-hehe, 3 bottles of lotion-I am not even going there, and two votive candles-can you even burn candles at work? Why are these things always up here? I mean she has a shit load drawers.
Ok then, I think I will stroll back to my desk now. Out of the public eye where I can sit a box tampons on my desk if I damn well please. I like it there. It is MINE!
My personal items:
3 pics
3 cutout pics
3 bears, an elephant, a pig
a magnetic paperclip stilleto
a decoration that says Drama Queen
A vast majority of these things were gifts, MY FRIENDS ROCK!
Side note:I may leave her a post-it up there next time.
"Agnus, may I borrow your polish sometime?"
Staring at the useless items that cover this dust ridden mockery of a desk, I wonder how this lady focuses on anything. Then I remember that the only thing she does all day is walk her daughter, Melody (no lie), through recipes, scan claims into the system, and transfer calls; all the while painting her fingernails. I will give it to her for multi-tasking.
The usual items on this desk include a scanner, printer, desk lamp, calculator, stapler, Kleenex (I will need those if I am up here much longer), and plants. These are plain and boring; still they are not in any order or straight. And where the hell are scissors in the place, the one thing I need?
The items that give me a chuckle are: fingernail polish, lip gloss-did I mention she is pushing 60-not that she doesn't deserve to look her best-I just giggle at ladies wearing lip gloss-my grams wore lipstick, a koosh ball, a big ol' fingernail file with half naked babies wearing angel wings and sitting on clouds-ya-how's that for professional, a half full bottle of old ass crusty Elmer's glue-ya that's what I said, a rubber finger tip-HA!, a post-it that says 'The Insider'-I mean really-can you not retain this useful information?(oh right-she is multi-tasking-sorry, Agnus), her personal rolodex-anyone need a hairstylist or CPA?, an envelope moistener-ok that just makes me laugh, a mirror-hehe, 3 bottles of lotion-I am not even going there, and two votive candles-can you even burn candles at work? Why are these things always up here? I mean she has a shit load drawers.
Ok then, I think I will stroll back to my desk now. Out of the public eye where I can sit a box tampons on my desk if I damn well please. I like it there. It is MINE!
My personal items:
3 pics
3 cutout pics
3 bears, an elephant, a pig
a magnetic paperclip stilleto
a decoration that says Drama Queen
a candy bowl(skittles-taste the rainbow)
a bamboo with 3 stalks
A vast majority of these things were gifts, MY FRIENDS ROCK!
Side note:I may leave her a post-it up there next time.
"Agnus, may I borrow your polish sometime?"
Next Weekend
Yesterday ended on a high note. I talked to Gretchen. She rocks my world. We are making plans to meet up next weekend. SHUT UP! OMG! It has been 10 months.
BOO on that. Rainforest Café, Bring it! Pass the umbrella drinks. Now there is a drink I can finish.
I met her online and a week later I was at her house, on my lunch ‘2’ hours. We hit it off instantly. I swear she is the only person on the EXACT same wavelength as me. I think the two of us together might equal one brain. We are dingy and crazy and raunchy and hilarious and the fun never stops. Remember that one time :O
We use the same words- How U doin’?, act the same-Retawded, look the same- HOT, feel the same- fuck everyone else, same taste in movies- that never happens, and miss each other more than people in Hell miss ice. It is uncanny how we ‘get’ each other. Read each others minds. Know when the others needs a pick me up. Always able to offer honest advice. Totally helpful when my mind is cloudy.
She moved back to Nahlins to be with her family and help her mom about a year ago. With the distance, we spend a LOT of time writing, texting, IMing, and talking. We are TIGHT. Like pantyhose in Texas heat.
She knows everything about me. I mean everything. Even that one thing. Past, present, and future. As well, I know her. Although no one really knows what Gretchen might be about to do.
I can’t wait for the day we are in the same city again. Talk about trouble.
Next weekend, here I come!
I love you infinity X infinity Gretch!
Thanks for being in my life!
BOO on that. Rainforest Café, Bring it! Pass the umbrella drinks. Now there is a drink I can finish.
I met her online and a week later I was at her house, on my lunch ‘2’ hours. We hit it off instantly. I swear she is the only person on the EXACT same wavelength as me. I think the two of us together might equal one brain. We are dingy and crazy and raunchy and hilarious and the fun never stops. Remember that one time :O
We use the same words- How U doin’?, act the same-Retawded, look the same- HOT, feel the same- fuck everyone else, same taste in movies- that never happens, and miss each other more than people in Hell miss ice. It is uncanny how we ‘get’ each other. Read each others minds. Know when the others needs a pick me up. Always able to offer honest advice. Totally helpful when my mind is cloudy.
She moved back to Nahlins to be with her family and help her mom about a year ago. With the distance, we spend a LOT of time writing, texting, IMing, and talking. We are TIGHT. Like pantyhose in Texas heat.
She knows everything about me. I mean everything. Even that one thing. Past, present, and future. As well, I know her. Although no one really knows what Gretchen might be about to do.
I can’t wait for the day we are in the same city again. Talk about trouble.
Next weekend, here I come!
I love you infinity X infinity Gretch!
Thanks for being in my life!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Today,
was pretty much a carbon copy of yesterday. Minus the Monday part.
So now Tuesday is virtually over.
I am waiting for my 'ride'. Kill me.
On a lighter note, I have gum.
And, tomorrow is hump day.
Woohoo, bring on the Marching band!
Over and out!
So now Tuesday is virtually over.
I am waiting for my 'ride'. Kill me.
On a lighter note, I have gum.
And, tomorrow is hump day.
Woohoo, bring on the Marching band!
Over and out!
Monday, August 20, 2007
A day in the life of me.
This week sucks great Big Donkey Dicks!
And, it is only Monday.
I have no transportation. Hubby is driving my car. WHAT! His is in shop ALL week.
I have no gum! KILL ME. *must go to corner store.
I have to dress corporate tomorrow. I don’t get paid enough for this shit!
I have to bring my lunch all week because I am poor.
YEAH ME!
And, it is only Monday.
I have no transportation. Hubby is driving my car. WHAT! His is in shop ALL week.
I have no gum! KILL ME. *must go to corner store.
I have to dress corporate tomorrow. I don’t get paid enough for this shit!
I have to bring my lunch all week because I am poor.
YEAH ME!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
A job well done!
I sit here in 100* weather with my knees against the dash of the truck peering out the windshield. I'm certain it is hotter in here than if I were on the hood itself.
I watch my niece saddle her horse. I don't even know the names of all the leather covering his body now. She is so pristine in dressing him. Making sure every thing is so-so. They look like a million dollars. They are beginners, but watching them prepare you would never know. Every strap tightened, every hair in place. Their eyes meet and they know exactly why they are here.
At the mere age of 16, she is such a determined girl. So strong and driven. So confident and mature. She climbs onto her partner and enters another world. This is where she is herself and the most comfortable.
It is 5 o'clock and time to warm up. We move to the Arena to watch with anticipation. She has 4 runs this night, all equally spine tingling. It is 8 o'clock now and she is on fire. Each time her name is called I grip my seat. They fly out of the gate, round the first barrel, then the second, then the third. I scream “bring it in"... chill bumps covering my arms and tears in my eyes; I can not wait to see her, kiss her, and tell her how proud of her I am.
They are dripping wet. She looks moments from fainting, but can not drink anything. I brought her a cold towel, hope it helps. She takes Sancho for a cool down trot then returns to begin the undress process. Layer upon layer of leather and wool are removed. I don't know how she has the energy to lift the saddle.
It is 9:30 and they finally get a well deserved drink and congrats from their entourage. Then off we go. All I can see are taillights. I am left wanting more. The joy and pride racing brings to her heart is something that can not be duplicated. I can not make into words how truly blessed I am to have her in my life.
It was a wonderful day. I treasure the time spent with her and my family. I love you Mija!
*Event took place on 8/11/07 @ 1pm. Writing began at said date and time.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Connecting
I am so excited! I heard from two of my favorite friends yesterday.
I had an email waiting for me from Alli(LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS, SPAM SUX). We met at work and she moved to OK about a year ago. GAWD, how I've miss her. Well, turns out she is coming into town for the weekend and the gang is getting together. WOOHOO, shout it from the roof top. We will be sippin' and dippin' at the common dive. Suspect she has missed A-Tex.
She is the sweetest and most genuine friend I have. Centered with religious values and awesome to go shopping with, we have a blast every time we are in each others company. Coffee? What's that? Venti Carmel/Vanilla Low Fat Frappuccino ? Bring it! So sassarific and glamorous, she never ceases to bring spirit to everyone with whom she comes in contact. She is the kind of friend everyone needs at least one of.
Jess touched base after 6 weeks ago(we both suck). This is a long time for us to go without contact. HATE IT. Lunch Jess, When is lunch I ask you?? We also met at work and she moved on to bigger and better things, leaving me here. BOO on her. I'm sure I would have fit in her purse. She is one of the gang members but can’t attend Friday. BOO again. I will have to sneak out and flatten her tires.
She is the kind of friend everyone wished THEY had. I AM LUCKY. She is the one I go to for advice. For the questions that I need the real truth. The best listener ever, she can dissect my problems like a forensic pathologist. Her insight is unreal. She holds a lot of my secrets and a huge piece of my heart.
Come to think of it, I heard from Shaniqua also. She used to work with me and left to be with her children as I like to recall. She is very resilient and teaches me a lot about courage and overcoming obstacles. She is the loudest friend I have. And most fun to party with. Definitely, the most likely to get me into trouble, but most likely to give me the shirt off her back. She too, holds tons of my secrets.
These are some of my friends. I have many freinds like them, but these are my far off friends.
Thank you all for being in my life. smooches !
I had an email waiting for me from Alli(LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS, SPAM SUX). We met at work and she moved to OK about a year ago. GAWD, how I've miss her. Well, turns out she is coming into town for the weekend and the gang is getting together. WOOHOO, shout it from the roof top. We will be sippin' and dippin' at the common dive. Suspect she has missed A-Tex.
She is the sweetest and most genuine friend I have. Centered with religious values and awesome to go shopping with, we have a blast every time we are in each others company. Coffee? What's that? Venti Carmel/Vanilla Low Fat Frappuccino ? Bring it! So sassarific and glamorous, she never ceases to bring spirit to everyone with whom she comes in contact. She is the kind of friend everyone needs at least one of.
Jess touched base after 6 weeks ago(we both suck). This is a long time for us to go without contact. HATE IT. Lunch Jess, When is lunch I ask you?? We also met at work and she moved on to bigger and better things, leaving me here. BOO on her. I'm sure I would have fit in her purse. She is one of the gang members but can’t attend Friday. BOO again. I will have to sneak out and flatten her tires.
She is the kind of friend everyone wished THEY had. I AM LUCKY. She is the one I go to for advice. For the questions that I need the real truth. The best listener ever, she can dissect my problems like a forensic pathologist. Her insight is unreal. She holds a lot of my secrets and a huge piece of my heart.
Come to think of it, I heard from Shaniqua also. She used to work with me and left to be with her children as I like to recall. She is very resilient and teaches me a lot about courage and overcoming obstacles. She is the loudest friend I have. And most fun to party with. Definitely, the most likely to get me into trouble, but most likely to give me the shirt off her back. She too, holds tons of my secrets.
These are some of my friends. I have many freinds like them, but these are my far off friends.
Thank you all for being in my life. smooches !
1000 tons on my shoulders
Have you ever felt like you’ve let down the one person that counted on you the most? In their time of need you let them down? I hold that burden every minute, of every hour, of every day, and I cannot seem to shake it.
My mom had gotten into a horrible marriage. I barged in to save her and moved her in with me and hubby. We left her no choice. Truth be told she was relieved as well but will never admit it. We stormed into their home on a hot August day, bringing with us backup, boxes, trailers, extra hands, and listening to no excuses.
We had her out of that mess in 5 hours max and she would never look back. She was in our house with her own space, safe and sound. The entire family was at peace. For a time...
In the days leading up to the move I had promised, swore, crossed my heart, and did everything I could short of giving her my first born, to convince my mom that she was wanted and welcome in our house. She was not going to impose. I had to make her believe that she would have a place to call home forever, until the day she died. I SWORE IT.
Less than a year later, our lives took a turn that no one could predict. I no longer knew where my future was headed, let alone offer her any sense of security. She went her own way within a matter of weeks, and hubby and I went ours. She moved into a friend’s guest house; something she dreaded. We got an apartment in town, something we dreaded.
It has been a year and every minute, of every hour, of every day I worry about her still. Her aching bones. Her climbing stairs. Her cooking and cleaning alone. Mowing the lawn. Who does she talk to? Who listens? Who does she watch TV with? Does she get lonely? What does she do when she does? Who gets down the bowls out of the top of the cabinet? Who makes her laugh? On and on…
Most of all…
Does she still resent me?
Will she ever forgive me?
My mom had gotten into a horrible marriage. I barged in to save her and moved her in with me and hubby. We left her no choice. Truth be told she was relieved as well but will never admit it. We stormed into their home on a hot August day, bringing with us backup, boxes, trailers, extra hands, and listening to no excuses.
We had her out of that mess in 5 hours max and she would never look back. She was in our house with her own space, safe and sound. The entire family was at peace. For a time...
In the days leading up to the move I had promised, swore, crossed my heart, and did everything I could short of giving her my first born, to convince my mom that she was wanted and welcome in our house. She was not going to impose. I had to make her believe that she would have a place to call home forever, until the day she died. I SWORE IT.
Less than a year later, our lives took a turn that no one could predict. I no longer knew where my future was headed, let alone offer her any sense of security. She went her own way within a matter of weeks, and hubby and I went ours. She moved into a friend’s guest house; something she dreaded. We got an apartment in town, something we dreaded.
It has been a year and every minute, of every hour, of every day I worry about her still. Her aching bones. Her climbing stairs. Her cooking and cleaning alone. Mowing the lawn. Who does she talk to? Who listens? Who does she watch TV with? Does she get lonely? What does she do when she does? Who gets down the bowls out of the top of the cabinet? Who makes her laugh? On and on…
Most of all…
Does she still resent me?
Will she ever forgive me?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
"Everything"
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes.
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here.
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here.
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go.
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes.
You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part)
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark)
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here.
(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...
I'm sure you all listen to Alanis, I personally think she is the Bees Knees. Just wanted to share this song. And if you are my friend reading this, I love you infinity, but already know that; and you are the most gorgeous person I have ever known!
I believe we ALL have someone that feels this way about us.
We have likely felt this way about someone else. At least, I don't know anyone who hasn't.
It is a nice feeling, knowing you are loved and cared for, unconditionally.
I can think of 8 people in my life that I feel this way about, and 8 that feel this way about me (metaphorically speaking). Only 1 of them literally.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Try
Today is what I would call trying.
I tried to get out of bed on time, even though my dog contested.
I tried to give a crap, though my mind was just saying crap.
I tried to focus at work when all I could focus on was play.
I tried to drink 8 glasses of water throughout the day. I think I got down 3.
I tried to stay awake after lunch, but I am sure my chicken noodle soup had MSGs.
I tried to keep my mind pure. Riight. Do you know who all I talk to in a day?
I tried to remain in my chair. Riight. Do you know who I work with?
I tried not to gossip. Riight again.
I tried to keep my radio low enough for only me to hear, but loud enough so that I could not hear HER voice.
I will try again tomorrow.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Gifts
September 3, 2006, I found myself and hubby at our favorite ink shop with my mind made up. I had the artist draw up the sketch and my appointment was set for the following day. Elated by the thought of finally adding one more piece to my puzzle, I couldn’t wait to see the final design. I had one tattoo already, so I was jazzed about this one. No worries about the needle or pain.
This was something I wanted on my body for eternity; to express my innermost feelings and life experiences. The symbol was for me and no one else, and had to express exactly how I felt. With the events in my life as they were, I knew I had made the right decision on my design. It could not have been clearer. I had read about Holistic Healing, Feng Shui, and Meditation, dream interpretation, spiritual healing, and so on, and I kept going back to the Lotus flower. I felt the symbolism mimicked what I was trying to convey so I knew that was what it had to be.
My first one was a spur of the moment decision, and one of the best I have ever shared. Me, Lucy, and Melissa were having a girl’s night out. I few drinks into us and few giggles later, we randomly slid into a shop. While gazing at the plethora of designs on the walls, Lucy and I had what I like to call 'a moment'. We picked a design and dropped our drawers. Twenty minutes later we walked out branded for life. Though visually the size of my thumb, emotionally it envelops my heart and soul. Thank you Lucy, for such a priceless gift.
I have been known to say “every day is a new day for me”. Normally it is an airhead joke, but I do believe that everyday we are given a new day. We should use this day to make a start fresh. Begin again. I tend to take my life for granted. Always putting off till tomorrow, what I don’t want to admit today. It is so much easier that way. Denial....
I do not know how many more fresh starts I will be given.
This was something I wanted on my body for eternity; to express my innermost feelings and life experiences. The symbol was for me and no one else, and had to express exactly how I felt. With the events in my life as they were, I knew I had made the right decision on my design. It could not have been clearer. I had read about Holistic Healing, Feng Shui, and Meditation, dream interpretation, spiritual healing, and so on, and I kept going back to the Lotus flower. I felt the symbolism mimicked what I was trying to convey so I knew that was what it had to be.
My first one was a spur of the moment decision, and one of the best I have ever shared. Me, Lucy, and Melissa were having a girl’s night out. I few drinks into us and few giggles later, we randomly slid into a shop. While gazing at the plethora of designs on the walls, Lucy and I had what I like to call 'a moment'. We picked a design and dropped our drawers. Twenty minutes later we walked out branded for life. Though visually the size of my thumb, emotionally it envelops my heart and soul. Thank you Lucy, for such a priceless gift.
I have been known to say “every day is a new day for me”. Normally it is an airhead joke, but I do believe that everyday we are given a new day. We should use this day to make a start fresh. Begin again. I tend to take my life for granted. Always putting off till tomorrow, what I don’t want to admit today. It is so much easier that way. Denial....
I do not know how many more fresh starts I will be given.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Reactions
I have gone through things in my life that I consider less than pleasant, even to the point of horrible. Each of my actions has their own degree of pain, as that is all I have with which to compare them.
I hit a wild animal once. Was this a mother, or was its mother looking for it that evening?
I chose a boy over my morals at 15. I woke up a different person.
I have felt the joy of expecting a baby. For three months.
I have known the pride of home ownership. Greed is a horrible thing.
At my grandmother’s funeral, I peered through the chapel windows, not realizing her coffin was open. To this day, that image remains in my head, rather than her laughter.
I have had many, many things happen in my life. Many I choose to keep private; a lot that are unmentionable.
I believe it is how we react that makes us the person we are. I will not be crippled by my misfortunes, nor will I be demoralized by my actions.
I am strong and independent, and I am who I am because of my choices.
I hit a wild animal once. Was this a mother, or was its mother looking for it that evening?
I chose a boy over my morals at 15. I woke up a different person.
I have felt the joy of expecting a baby. For three months.
I have known the pride of home ownership. Greed is a horrible thing.
At my grandmother’s funeral, I peered through the chapel windows, not realizing her coffin was open. To this day, that image remains in my head, rather than her laughter.
I have had many, many things happen in my life. Many I choose to keep private; a lot that are unmentionable.
I believe it is how we react that makes us the person we are. I will not be crippled by my misfortunes, nor will I be demoralized by my actions.
I am strong and independent, and I am who I am because of my choices.
Ode to my Furry Friend
He is my BBF.
Besides the obvious things I have taught him he is the only 'person' I know that can read my mind and feel my pain.
I’m not sure how such a creature can remove a frown, dry a tear, heal wounds, bandage a broken heart, keep me warm, feeling secure, and love me unconditionally; but he does.
He is the most loyal man I know. With all of the things he has had to endure over his short life and all of the knowledge he stores, he must be exhausted. No wonder he does little more than follow me around and sit at my feet these days.
Besides the obvious things I have taught him he is the only 'person' I know that can read my mind and feel my pain.
I’m not sure how such a creature can remove a frown, dry a tear, heal wounds, bandage a broken heart, keep me warm, feeling secure, and love me unconditionally; but he does.
He is the most loyal man I know. With all of the things he has had to endure over his short life and all of the knowledge he stores, he must be exhausted. No wonder he does little more than follow me around and sit at my feet these days.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
When it comes to love, does anyone ever Really win?
When do I realize one can not live on love alone?
The chivalry and compliments, favors and dreams still runneth over, yet
I am left feeling empty. Too much damage has erupted for me forget.
Forgive, of course, forget, if shiver. I have never cared for anyone so much in
My life and yet wished the Gods rain on them so hard at the same time.
I have never shared so much joy and in the next breath so much dread.
This person I speak of allows me all the freedom I can fathom, so
Long as it is within arms reach. He has shown me many things so long as they suite
His greater good. He puts me on a pedestal and bows to my knees, yet jealousy
Cripples his mind.
I know not what to do with this, for love is complicated.
The chivalry and compliments, favors and dreams still runneth over, yet
I am left feeling empty. Too much damage has erupted for me forget.
Forgive, of course, forget, if shiver. I have never cared for anyone so much in
My life and yet wished the Gods rain on them so hard at the same time.
I have never shared so much joy and in the next breath so much dread.
This person I speak of allows me all the freedom I can fathom, so
Long as it is within arms reach. He has shown me many things so long as they suite
His greater good. He puts me on a pedestal and bows to my knees, yet jealousy
Cripples his mind.
I know not what to do with this, for love is complicated.
On the way to work.
Music has a way of getting into my head and suffocating me......
Youser!
You build me up
You knock me down
Provoke a smile
And make me frown
You are the queen of runaround
You know it's true
You chew me up
And spit me out
Enjoy the taste
I leave in your mouth
You look at me
I look at you
Neither of us know what to do
There may not
Be another way to your heart
So I guess I'd better find the new way in
I shiver when I hear your name
Think about you but it's not the same
I won't be satisfied till I'm under your skin
Immobilized by the thought of you
Paralyzed by the sight of you
Hypnotized by the words you say
Not true but I believe them anyway
So come to bed it's getting late
There's no more time for us to waste
Remember how my body tastes
You feel your heart begin to race
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