Have you ever felt like you’ve let down the one person that counted on you the most? In their time of need you let them down? I hold that burden every minute, of every hour, of every day, and I cannot seem to shake it.
My mom had gotten into a horrible marriage. I barged in to save her and moved her in with me and hubby. We left her no choice. Truth be told she was relieved as well but will never admit it. We stormed into their home on a hot August day, bringing with us backup, boxes, trailers, extra hands, and listening to no excuses.
We had her out of that mess in 5 hours max and she would never look back. She was in our house with her own space, safe and sound. The entire family was at peace. For a time...
In the days leading up to the move I had promised, swore, crossed my heart, and did everything I could short of giving her my first born, to convince my mom that she was wanted and welcome in our house. She was not going to impose. I had to make her believe that she would have a place to call home forever, until the day she died. I SWORE IT.
Less than a year later, our lives took a turn that no one could predict. I no longer knew where my future was headed, let alone offer her any sense of security. She went her own way within a matter of weeks, and hubby and I went ours. She moved into a friend’s guest house; something she dreaded. We got an apartment in town, something we dreaded.
It has been a year and every minute, of every hour, of every day I worry about her still. Her aching bones. Her climbing stairs. Her cooking and cleaning alone. Mowing the lawn. Who does she talk to? Who listens? Who does she watch TV with? Does she get lonely? What does she do when she does? Who gets down the bowls out of the top of the cabinet? Who makes her laugh? On and on…
Most of all…
Does she still resent me?
Will she ever forgive me?
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