Ultrasound

I know all things happen for a reason. I have to admit that today when Dr. Darby told me there was no baby in my sac and explained that somewhere in the process of the 'union' that were was not enough chromosomes present, therefore the embryo never developed; I must admit I was a bit taken aback. More like Shocked.

I have a D&C scheduled for Thursday at 7:30am. Been through this before so I am truly dreading it. I will be home on bed rest for several days following.

I am now struggling with separating the tangible goods from my heart. I had attached names to the baby. I had begun a scrapbook of happenings. We had purchased a blanket. Gone on a Zoo outing and thoughtfully picked out a unisex plastic cup. We each painted a butterfly as a symbol of new life. Andrew painted the 'boy' and I the 'girl'. These things are all that, just things, but they hold a special place in our hearts.

After reflecting for 11 hours, I find that I am a bit more settled with the results and a lot more adjusted. I can't and wont accept that my God is a Karmic God, nor that the Devil has so much power over me that I would allow him to take from me something that I loved more than myself. So I am left with only one choice. This was meant to be. Though I do not understand a BIT of it and feel completely robbed, I believe that there is a higher power that has my best interests at heart. So, I move on to the next phase after processing this loss, which is starting over.

Let the good times roll.